How to create a good relationship with your children

 A father putting an adhesive bandage on the knee of his 5 year old boy. [Courtesy/Getty Images]

We all have different ideas on how to raise children. But when it comes to good parenting, several things are evident.

Having a positive parenting approach, especially when our children are being problematic, has been proven to work like magic.

When he or she spills food on the carpet or they cannot stop throwing a tantrum in the supermarket that is the right time to show them love and empathy rather than take the punitive route most of us were raised with.

The focus is to instill and reflect family values and beliefs into the child while being sensitive to who they are as a person to help yield a well-behaved child.

You should be the one person who encourages, protects and guides your child through their childhood, fostering good behaviour and discipline.

The fastest and best way to connect with your child is through play. The simple act of kicking a ball around or putting a puzzle together fills their emotional bank, strengthening your relationship.

This form of proactive parenting leads to a happy child and because of how they feel inside, it contributes to good behaviour.

Treat them with respect

Extend courtesy and thoughtfulness to your children just as you do with adults. If you expect your children to respect you then you must do the same because they learn from example.

You are their role model. If, when something goes wrong, your reaction is to yell and humiliate them, that is exactly how they will react in a similar situation.

Give them space to grow into who they are as each child is unique and should be honoured.

When you punish a child, you hope that they will suffer some pain or loss to cause them not to repeat that behaviour.

This, however, can do more harm than good. Let them know what they did and teach them how to fix their mistakes. This way they will have the skills to do better in future.

You also need to be your child's number-one cheerleader. The same way you cheered them on as they took their first step and when they uttered their first word should carry on throughout their childhood.

As their parent, you can make or break them by the words and actions you choose to use on them. Choose to breathe life into them.

One of the best things you can do for your child is to spend quality time together. Give them the attention they need and get to know what they are going through.

They will feel safe, loved and valued enough to help them to make that connection all children are wired to yearn for.