Why the ‘side dish’ is good for marriage

 The other woman can be beneficial to a marriage too Photo: Courtesy

As dogs are to barking, so are men to cheating. It’s inevitable. I don’t get kicks from bursting your bubbles ladies, far from it. However, chances of the modern man having the other woman are higher than a typical Kenyan pastor seeing the gates of heaven.

I mean, women cheat too but when it comes to the other sex, I’m inclined to believe it’s encrypted in their DNA.

Being cognizant of this is one way of cushioning yourself against incommensurable pain when and if it happens to you.  

The other woman might be someone above or below you in the social ladder, could be your house help, your friend, his boss, a college girl young enough to be your daughter or even a “Thot” he picked from the streets and decided to keep. Just like the rule goes in war, never underestimate your enemy.

Referring to your competitor as a side dish just because you are the one he married or has engaged is fallacious to say the least and a pathetic attempt at buttressing your deflated feminine ego.

Being a wife is nothing but a title. And if you are a girlfriend or fiancée then you shouldn’t even throw tantrums or stoop to low to physically or verbally confront the supposedly side dish because you believe you are the main dish.

What justifies you as the main dish anyway? Because he paid dowry, walked you down the aisle or even both? That is just doing what is expected. If he caters for you just as he does for the other woman, she probably has his child just like you and he’s a good father on both sides then she is not a side dish.

She is a five course meal served at a different restaurant. Talking of which, if you are such a mouthwatering gourmet then why is your man soiling his appetite with cheap “kibanda” food anyway? Could it be that the gourmet is poorly made, tastes flat and does not arouse appetite while the supposed cheap dish is well marinated, spiced in the right quantity, has an aroma that threatens to injure the nostrils and tastes like the last supper?

Avoid desperate theatrics of confronting the other woman. It’s even worse if you do so in the most barbaric manner, like physical assault or making posters announcing to anyone who cares to listen (or read) that she stole your husband like the one I saw doing rounds on social media the other day.

Husbands are not clothes hanged on the line that someone can just steal. If you are smart, then learn from the other woman. What is she doing differently? Could it be that she nags less, washes his undergarments, (don’t give me that yuck look), gives it to him like a freak with less headache excuses, cares to have a calm conversation with him devoid of sarcasm or innuendos and actually cooks and serves him without relegating the duty to the house help?

Learning from her might not make him stop cheating, but it can help you up your game, thus making competition fair and the ground level. For instance, if after the baby you stopped calling him darling and now refer to him by his first name like the landlord does, yet the other woman calls him all the sugary names prone to cause him diabetes then swallow your pride and call him pet names.

Men are like babies, a simple “daddy, how was your day today” is enough to get you that trip to the Bahamas. If not then the trip will go to the “gacungwa” who despite his bulging tummy still calls him baby.

However, I insist that you can never monopolise a man. The beauty of it all, however twisted it might sound, lies in sharing sometimes. The world is no longer for the disturbed pessimists or the delusional optimists; the world is being taken by realists.

This simply implies that when you do not feel like baby-sitting him and another woman volunteers to do so for a day, two or a week please let her. If you cannot share then be ready to outdo yourself trying to keep him. Just so you know, the other woman is also bursting her behind in a bid to outshine you. May the best dish carry the day.