Nairobians and their peculiar drinking habits

‘Tis the season to be drunk! Where I come from, drinking yourself to ‘oblivion’ is synonymous with the holidays. There is nothing wrong with peeps imbibing over the holidays, but some people have got their holiday priorities all wrong. I have noticed a few peculiar drinking habits of Nairobians.

Who needs to go to a bar when you have a mzinga and a half-litre soda to dilute it? A long time ago, a guy who had been eyeing me for a while finally plucked up the courage to ask me out. He said he would invite me out for drinks once he worked out his schedule.

A few days later, he sent me a text informing me that his schedule had just opened up and he had the afternoon off. He went on to tell me that he had an unopened mzinga in the house and would appreciate it if I could join him in knocking back a few. He also asked if I would be a darling and pass by the shop and pick up a half-litre soda to dilute the mzinga. I was appalled! What kind of a lady did he take me for?

I politely declined and still harbour repulsion for men who keep a mzinga in the house ‘just in case’. By the way, ladies, being invited for a mzinga in his place is the Kenyan version of Netflix and chill. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. A real man will take you to an actual bar for a drink OF YOUR CHOICE! Why did the weirdo assume I’m into hard liquor?

Some can’t help to brag about how much they can drink. “Unasema umetosheka beer nne na mimi niko ya saba na siskii kitu!” If I had one shilling for every time I heard a sentence to this effect, I would be able to pay the teachers’ September salaries! I will never understand why Kenyans wear alcoholism like a badge of honour!

This one particular guy I had a conversation with had a hard time talking to me about his hobbies, talents, dreams and aspirations. I could hardly get a full sentence out of him. Then I made the mistake of asking him about his alcoholic drink of choice and he suddenly became a chatterbox! He launched into a long chatter about all his drinking escapades and how he can drink a whole bottle of hard liquor with little to no effect.

He tried to convince me he was most creative when drunk. I was left dumbfounded. Are there actually women out there who are awed by how much a man can drink? I highly doubt it.

Then there are the mean ones. Kenyans are cheap to a fault! When I was in the university, I attended a house party a few hours earlier and caught the hosts emptying cheap vodka into bottles of a more expensive brand. He said nobody would know the difference.

The lengths Kenyans will go to for a drink without spending much! Another friend of mine didn’t understand the logic of me spending Sh900 on one glass of Mai Tai when I could have three beers for the same amount. And there are also those ratchet peeps who hit the dingy ‘ka-local’ to get drunk on cheap liquor first before moving on to more pricey establishments where they will drink one beer the whole night!

@roxannekenya