10 weapons Kenyan drivers hide in their cars

 Crude weapons found in a car    Photo:Abcnews

President Uhuru Kenyatta once told Kenyans that “security begins with you.” But Kenyans have been hiding weapons in their cars even long before that presidential speech. But who wouldn’t, after all, you are likely to face off with rogue matatu drivers on Kenyan roads.

These weapons also come handy when you stop along Kinare Forest along the Nairobi-Naivasha Highway due to heavy fog, and local ‘personal property retrievers’ decide to execute an ambush.

Here are 10 weapons Kenyans keep in their cars:

1. Nyahunyo nyeusi

Nothing motivates a stubborn boda boda rider to get off the road than a whiplash on his back. Many prefer nyahunyos because they can be easily concealed under the seat or in the glove compartment.

2. Empty chupas, mawe

Many women carry empty soda bottles in their cars (and handbags) for easy breaking on an offender’s head, especially those obstinate makangas of Githurai 45, Mwiki and Embakasi routes in Nairobi. Well-rounded stone missiles are the weapons of choice to smash the windshields of guilty motorists who speed away from an accident scene.

3. Somali swords

This is favoured by truck drivers, who prefer it because it is impossible to drive from Mombasa to Lubumbashi without encountering some form of road rage. This is a sure deterrent.

4. Bolted rungus

The round-head rungus with a bolt at the top can cause massive damage by cracking some kichwa ngumu! Surprisingly, these dangerous weapons are hawked like boiled eggs with no law barring their acquisition.

5. Golf clubs

Some social high climbers resort to expensive golf rungus, especially when delayed by some nincompoop on their way to a game.

6. Bakora swords

These are mostly used by angry drivers who have been hit by boda bodas who can’t pay for a brand new BMW’s side mirror, and thus use the bakora sword to slash the motorcycle’s  tyres!

7. Mguu ya kuku

There is a breed of people who will whip out their mguu ya kuku (gun) if you as much as get an inch closer to their aged Toyota Platz. They seem to get a kick out of pointing guns at people’s heads and then watch the freaked out drivers swerve off the road.

8. Pepper spray

This is mainly carried by women who use it to immobilise any potential threat by aiming at an assailant’s eyes, leaving him writhing in agony.

9. ‘Tool box armoury

The hammer, wheel spanner, long screw driver and even a wrench that would ideally snuggle in a tool box, are ideal for hand-to-hand combat along Jogoo Road where obohos might mill around a scene of accident planning to yank off the stereo.

10. Swiss knives:

These multi-purpose army knives which are used for outdoor camping are great for self-defence and can be hidden in the cusp of the hand for surprise attacks. Whooooa! Maskio chini!