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Sheila Wachira, a counselling psychologist at Shewa Relationships in Nairobi, encourages couples to argue whenever they have a disagreement instead of holding grudges that explode with tragic consequences.
“Most couples prefer to keep quiet over issues. That’s why you see an argument spilling over to the media because the anger has been boiling for a long time. Upbringing also counts. Parents should avoid fighting in front of their children. You know what they say about students surpassing their teachers?” warns Wachira.
University of Nairobi sociology lecturer, Ken Ouko, blames the upsurge of spousal killings on devaluation of human life, poor courtship that locks unfamiliar partners together in doomed matrimony and the stress and frustrations of marital life.
“Many married people are so frustrated in their marriages but can’t leave because of children or fear of social stigma. One day, they will reach a breaking point, pick a knife and kill the spouse. The quiet ones, who are church-going and nonviolent, are the type that when frustration reaches appoint they can’t take anymore, will resort to deadly violence,” explains Ouko.
Sheikh Ayub Shariff, an imam, says marriage has gone to the dogs because many married couples don’t follow the teachings of the Quran or Bible.
He adds that simple teachings like the instruction for wives to be submissive to their husbands, and men to act like the heads of home and provide for their families are deemed too old school. But these are the basic principles on which marriages are built.
“Those are simple instructions given to us by God. But nowadays, men don’t provide, they want to sit at home and wait for the woman to provide. How then do you expect a woman to be submissive to a man who can’t provide?” he asks.
Like Ouko, Ker Willis Otondi, the Chairman Luo Council of Elders, blames poor upbringing and courtship.
“In the Luo culture, the parents advised their children on whom to court or avoid. Back in the day, there was a go-between who championed the process of uniting a man and a woman. Today, very few parents even play a role in the growth and development of their children,” says the Luo elder.
Criminal lawyer Cliff Ombeta says most cases of spousal killings are usually instantaneous.
“In very few occasions will you get that a woman or man planned to have the partner killed. In many cases, they are usually crimes of passion that happen without forethought or planning,” says Ombeta.
University lecturer, Dr Masibo Lumala, blames hopelessness, failed dreams, stress and misplaced priorities for the string of murders involving lovers and spouses.
Bishop Allan Kiuna of Jubilee Christian Centre argues that pressure to make it in life has condemned many young people to loneliness. Back in the day, an individual’s predicament was shared not only within the family, but by the whole community. However, in the modern society, it is every man for himself.
- David Odongo, Cate Mukei and John Lawrence
