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Odieros come to Kenya for various reasons, including as missionaries or expats with international NGOs and UN bodies to ‘tune’ future mothers of their children for adventure, business, the sunny weather and sunnier disposition of the Kenyan people.
A majority though are tourists and have been since 1963, and never seem to get enough of the Maasai culture, game parks and wildlife. Never mind, the world moved on to, among others, medical tourism (India), shopping holidays (Dubai), historical visits (the pyramids of Egypt), religious tourism (Israel and Saudi Arabia), as well as eco-tourism. Now, these odieros have certain tabia that you can’t miss and may not like when they are in the country:
1. Jambo bwana Next time an odiero greets me this way, I will lose it. Did you notice how ‘Uncle Barry’ at least styled up and was down with it when he gave the niaje wasee! shout out? Jambo bwana is so 1970!
2. Sharing drinks ‘This is Tusker country,’ so when you decide to buy, nunua na roho moja. Sharing one drink with a Kenyan who can kanyaga crate, is insulting and annoying.
3. Promoting ‘poorism’ We have more than 500,000 square kilometers of land to explore and besides Mombasa and the Mara, odieros annoyingly love Kibera slums as part of their ‘poorism’ itinerary. Odieros should know we have cock and bull fights in Kakamega, beautiful Iten in Kale land and the ‘shifting Island’ of Kiwayu in Malindi.
4. ‘Hakuna Matata’ T-shirts This catch phrase from the song Jambo Bwana by Them Mushrooms has ironical overtones: Does anyone really believe in their heart of hearts that hakuna matata in Kenya?
5. Eating ugali with a fork We know ugali is a ‘tasteless lump of paste,’ but it has been our national diet since 1922 and by the time we realise Vision 2030, nothing will have changed much. Just know that ugali is ‘contact food,’ so osha mikono and drop that fork nonsense!
6. Khaki pants and Safari boots We are no longer a rugged bush land. By dressing in khaki juu hadi chini, complete with those boots that say ‘you know Africa’ you are telling us wewe ni mgeni. Just dress normal bwana!
7. We know kingoso We might not be native speakers of English, but it is an official language here. It is therefore very condescending when an odiero starts spoon feeding you with his speech, either loudly or slowly assuming you do not understand kingoso. We can speak better than Floyd Mayweather, so Gerrarahia!
8. Buy akala too We know Maasai shukas, beaded bangles and other Maasai Market collections say you were in Kenya, but hey, there are other things you can buy: Tusker T-shirts and akala sandals for instance!
9. Misguided reporters Exaggerated misreporting about Kenya has worn our patience perilously thin. So, labeling us a ‘hotbed’ of this and that should stop. And please, check on tilting stories to distort facts for those ‘angles’ that don’t tell the whole story.
10. Mtura won’t cause kuharisha Odieros are very suspicious of local delicacies. They think githeri resembles small changarawe and while they get crazy about nyama choma (since slaughtering goats in some countries is illegal), they think mtura, mara, ulimi and kichwa will cause prolonged kuendesha. C’mon, mtura was stomach defence for our ancestors before the invention of sliced bread, dear Mr Watson!
