Tale of Kenyan businessmen and the secret lovers they keep in Kampala,Uganda

 

You probably know about those Ugandan men who work abroad and only come for their ‘summer’ in December. Here they get free ‘goodies’ for two months from unsuspecting girls who think they are going to be married and taken to live abroad.

Every festive season I keep wondering why Uganda police do not arrest these criminals for an offence which is well stipulated in our penal code of obtaining goods by false pretence.

But if you thought these ‘December Ugandans’ are cunning and lucky, then you haven’t heard about the Kenyan businessmen whose Kampala summer comes every month, even twice a month and sometimes even more frequently.

These Kenyans are just calculating businessmen. They have figured out that even if they work for a small organisation that only pays them a per diem of $150 (Sh15,150), if they regularly travel to Uganda on duty, it is better to use the little money on a local lady who either dreams of getting married and relocated to Nairobi. Or would be happy to settle as an unofficial second wife.

These financially astute Kenyan men know that a smart two bedroom apartment in the Kampala suburbs goes for $150  a month.

So after impressing one of the few hundred jobless graduates who work as ushers for peanuts at Kampala’s endless corporate functions, he shows his seriousness by offering to rent an apartment for her.

Marriage proposal

For three days’ per diem, he pays her three months’ deposit and she cannot believe the generosity of the Kenyan gentleman. Next time he is in town, three days’ per diem furnishes the apartment and she cannot believe her luck.

After that, it only takes a day’s per diem to drown her with groceries shopping and classy nights out.

And yes, since she knows Kampala well, she gets him a cabbie who takes him for all his errands for $30 a full day. The airport pick costs $20 (Sh2,020)) for locals.

To finally consolidate his position, the cunning Kenyan exec can risk giving her the ultimate present – a small car.

Ordering it online and finally getting it licensed two to three months, the longer the better, during which time she is anxiously waiting and talking about nothing else to her jobless friends.

The small car’s tank is filled with $40 (Sh4,040)) worth of fuel whenever he comes and he teases her about the warning light he sees when she picks him from the airport.

But who says this is a bad arrangement? Rather than paying all that money for a few nights in a big hotel that would never recognise him, isn’t the brother from Nairobi doing better changing a local sister’s life from job hunting to talking class?

After all, when she realises that the marriage proposal will never come, what is to stop her rendering a similar service to another brother from Nairobi, especially as she has now mastered their ways? It is called mutual benefit. And life goes on.