Guide to dating or marrying a rich, successful, powerful woman

It’s an open secret that most men do not know how to deal with wealthy, powerful and successful partners. It is widely believed that in relationships or marriages where the woman handles bulk of the financial obligations, the man is always voiceless and at times remains ‘invisible’. It’s also widely believed that such women are always itching for a megaphone to broadcast that fact to all and sundry.

That, however, is never entirely true. Think TV star Oprah Winfrey and her husband Roger Steadman or our very own Lupita Nyong’o and her boyfriend or even Keroche Breweries CEO Tabitha Karanja and her little known husband. The million-dollar question, however, is, how do you successfully hit on such powerful women and peacefully live in their shadows as a partner, without feeling little or being henpecked as those in the aforementioned cases?

A while back, the country teemed with many macho posturing men, but since the advent of women empowerment and other related initiatives, things have changed. The previously tough guys are now all susceptible to the unpredictable female emotional roller coaster. So much that the lucky few men feel embarrassed to be dating or married to women who are more accomplished than them.

Happy, peaceful in the shadow of powerful woman

True to form, when preparing this report, we tried to reach out to at least four husbands to well-known rich and successful female public figures for tips in vain. Except for one who, again, requested anonymity, majority seemingly feel ‘too small’ to be identified as husbands to successful or powerful women.

“When you check around, the submissive housewives of yore are rapidly being replaced by touch or, in some cases, arm twisting career women. There is a radical shift in the previously held status quo most men enjoyed. The secret is, knowing your place in the marriage,” says the man, insisting he is a private citizen and sees no need to make news by talking about his private life.

Seemingly, women are now making more money than most men in their lives. As a result, majority have upset the previously enjoyed status quo by men and now stubbornly insist on absolute authority in households.

“A good number of women are experiencing rapid advancement up the money ranks and this has got many men worried. Approaching such a woman for a date is an uphill task,” says Steve Sechere, a city-based businessman, who is quick to clarify that he is not married to a rich woman.

Devastating effects of women empowerment on the boy-child

Caught up in this tricky situation, most men are left with two difficult options: To hang around and brace themselves for the prospects of being ‘sat on’ or walk out.

“You do not need to be an economist to know the gap between the rich women and the poor men in this country continues to widen. This is partly because of women empowerment, with no corresponding initiative for the poor men,” says Phoebe Mueni, a nursing student who says she is not very comfortable dating of getting married to a man who earns less than her.

Susan Wanja, a banker in Nairobi, argues that having more money is increasingly making even ugly women look sexy, just as it has always been the case with not-so-easy-on-the-eye rich men.

“Men will have to do away with their macho tendencies to gel with these rich women who are now in plenty. In their desperate efforts to survive in these harsh economic times, men will soon realise there exists no such thing as ‘an ugly rich woman’ as has previously been the case in some instances,” says Wanja, adding that we now have many cases broke men stalking rich women for relationships and even marriage.

A while back, getting married to a ‘rich man’ was a fashionable aspiration for most women, while settling down with a ‘perfect woman’ was the male equivalent. Interestingly, this is not the case anymore.

“Tables have since turned against men and despite being poked fun at, staying home, taking care of the kids and generally playing the nice, faithful husband is not such an uncomfortable thing after all, especially when you have access to cable TV and some pocket money from your loving wife,” jokes the aforementioned husband to a popular business woman.

Being married to a rich woman who controls you doesn’t sound like such a bad idea to most men. To a certain Clement*, a second-hand clothes dealer, dating or settling with a rich and domineering woman is much better than being stuck in a dead-end 9-5 job where you make peanuts for salary.

Much-needed diplomacy and manual to hitting on rich woman

To perhaps peacefully navigate the landmines of dating or living with a rich woman, men need a guide or manual of sorts.

According to Carol Kiiru, a single mother and business lady in Nairobi, there is a mad dash for rich women, especially in Nairobi where men are less conservative compared to their counterparts in the countryside. However, she says, men interested in ‘being kept’ must know what attracts such women.

“At times, the attraction is more than the often talked about looks or bedroom prowess,” says Kiiru, adding that the attraction could be as simple as a body part, a talent or the man’ smile or something the man once said that touched her, giving the perception he is loving and caring.

Rachel Muia, an air travel agent, warns that before going for manicure and pedicure, the first thing a man who is willing to date a woman who is more accomplished than himself is to learn and master his place in the relationship.

“When you want a woman to take care of you, you better understand why she accepted you because behind every rich and successful woman there is always a peaceful man who knows his place,” she says.

According to other women we talked to, there really is nothing derogatory about the position of being a boyfriend or husband of a rich and highly accomplished woman.

“It is actually a plum position that requires the man in it to be very smart and diplomatic. For instance, the less he speaks the better for him. Whatever you may be, the public will routinely mistake such a man’s silence with maturity and inner wisdom,” says Christine Wangui, a businesswoman adding that men who know playing this sensitive role properly may not be very smart but are at times mistaken for the force or brains behind such women’s success.

When dating such a woman, many argue that one is expected to maintain high standards of hygiene because this is one of the basic things that generally piss off women. So you can imagine is she is more powerful and has more authority in the relationship, very minor things will tick her off.

“Such men must be properly groomed. They must eat healthy and work out to be fit and look good, after they have all the time in the world. As a ‘trophy husband’, your image really matters because you need to look your best to make her friends envious and feel you are not short-changing her,” says Wangui.

Know your place, no power sharing please

According to Rose, a journalist, such men must learn to listen to their women’s daily whining without trying to sound smart by offering solutions because most of such women do not think much of them, anyway.

“When you are a mwanaume bwege (useless man), the best you should do is gently nod, sigh, pat her back as you hold her hand with the tissue paper ready, just in case tears start rolling down her cheeks,” says Rose, adding that calling such a woman often while at work to wish her a good day is also very important.

“You must be smart enough to vary your timings so that you don’t come off as predictable. When you make one surprise call a day just to know how she is doing is much better than a bouquet of roses,” says the journalist.

Rose says working on your love making skills in of utmost importance for such a man.

“With her power and money, she can easily cheat on you or move on to the next guy. If you are not well endowed, you had better heavily invest in your other ‘portfolios’,” she says.

How to tackle her people and asking for pocket money

Brenda Rono, a nurse, says such men must watch out for their woman’s best friend who will always be hovering around like an evil spirit with lustful intent.

“Such friends are the proverbial forbidden fruit. You hit on her and your goose is cooked. Also, it is important to brace oneself for such a woman’s relatives and deadly daggers they hide because such types never hide their disapproval of the skewed nature of your relationship. They always want money from her and you will come off as being in their way,” warns Rono.

Some of the men we talked to and claimed they have first-hand experience with such women had interesting advice, too.

Some said such men must learn to put on a sympathetic face each and every time she yells: “This thing between me and you is over,” because it will be said several times whenever things will not be well.

Men willing to be kept are also advised to always praise and massage their benefactor’s egos.

“Always behave as if you do not want anything from her. Act as if your main purpose is to make her happy. This works like a charm when used in the right dosage. She might reciprocate by throwing some pocket money your way,” says Allan Lwanga, adding, “Love is rare in this country, but for a kept man, you must come off as one dishing out truckloads of it.”

Gentlemen, now that you are good to go, get yourself that rich lady and make her marry you.

If you play your cards well, chances are she will even help you pay her dowry. All the best.