Tale of first Ugandan to win Olympic marathon medal and other running jokes

 Ugandan marathoner Stephen Kirotich. At the last Olympics in London 2012, Ugandans got to learn they were taking place after the very last event — the Marathon.

The 2016 Olympics in Rio, Brazil are more than halfway done, but somebody is yet to tell Ugandans that the Games started. At the last Olympics in London 2012, Ugandans got to learn they were taking place after the very last event — the Marathon.

Excited journalists tried to tell everybody that Stephen Kiprotich was the first Ugandan to win an Olympic Marathon medal but Ugandans yawned – for they were used to hearing Kenyan names winning long distance races all the time.

It was, thus, with utter disbelief when watching news on TV in the evening that most Ugandans saw the “Kenyan” winning the Marathon while waving the Ugandan flag high!

But there was some little drama that tickled me and probably many others. When some mzungu journalists swarmed Kiprotich for interviews, he had, ehh, a small problem with the Queen’s language. He massacred it, turning Uganda into a butt of all sorts of running jokes on social media.

Our man just could not respond to some questions. Luckily, he is not alone, we have seen our Kenyan brothers and sisters, too, bite their tongues, trying to speak the Queen’s language during interviews.

Things get so thick that some even dodge international press or TV talk shows, for fear of being subjected to the torture of speaking English.

Big joke that was preparation

Back to Kiprotich. Some explanation was needed here. Yes, he was Ugandan. A couple of days later, the team returned to Uganda and Kipritich was whicked off to State House Entebbe, where his breakfast with the president was televised all over the land.

It was then that most locals started to believe that he was Ugandan. And the final confirmation came at his next public appearances when it transpired that Kiprotich was not just Ugandan, but a member of the country’s security forces.

Yes, he was a junior officer of the Uganda Prison Services. But not to be outdone, UPS management immediately promoted him to Assistant Prisons Superintendent, the beginning rank for senior officers. Then the parties continued, with the public fundraising cash all over the place to add to the gifts Kiprotich was receiving, starting with Sh 1 million from the president.

Now to the 2016 Olympics. It is not entirely true that Ugandans have not heard about the games. Here are some of the things they have heard about their country’s participation. First, the preparation was a big joke, with a group of seventeen miserable compatriots leaving for Rio, Brazil, without enough money for their upkeep.

That even getting tickets to fly them there had been a hassle, until the intervention of the highest authority in the land.

It has also been reported that the hapless seventeen fellows only got their kit at the last minute. Meanwhile, it’s not like they got all that the sponsors had sent them. Just like for the Kenyan team, some kits are missing. Second, Ugandans heard that some guy who has done most of the coaching for the athletes is crying foul because he was dropped from the contingent and a less deserving dude taken instead.

The third story that has been spread courtesy of social media is a silly joke that has at least helped many disinterested ‘corporate class’ Ugandans know that there are Olympic Games taking place.

It says that one of the Ugandan swimmers — yes, a competitor who should be eying gold — complained frantically on getting to the Olympic pool and could not see any lifeguard on duty! Is it safe to say we are already toast? Banangee!