Greedy men: You can’t handle one wife, why clamour for more?

Last week, a satire story on this magazine’s online platform claimed the Eritrean government had asked men to marry at least two wives.

The story, which turned out to be a hoax, said the Eritrean government took the unusual step due to a shortage of men occasioned by causalities during the civil war with Ethiopia.

A copy of a scanned decree of the Grand Mufti surfaced on social media site showing the State of Eritrea assuring that it would pay for the marriage ceremonies and houses.

The document said any man or woman who opposes the decision would “face a life sentence.”

Polygamous set up

This news for some reason had men hollering and cheering on social media, all in envy of their Eritrean counterparts.

I could imagine men thumping their chests at the misguided belief that a man being forced by the government to marry two wives is a win for the male species.

On the contrary, our Kenyan men should be lighting candles and shedding a few tears for their Eritrean counterparts. Frankly, no man can handle two or more wives in this day and age.

If marrying two or more wives was that easy, why is the government offering an incentive as attractive as free housing and threatening jail time.

Secondly, a valid reason that will knock out most Kenyan men in the endeavour is that they cannot afford two wives. If I may agree to play the devil’s advocate, I will admit that the polygamous set up was a success in the past. However, the reason it worked was not because the traditional men were brilliant strategists or genius puppeteers, they were merely lucky to successfully pull it off.

Lucky because the traditional man was married to a ‘traditional’ woman. Her rights were only those given to her by the patriarchal society she lived in.

The society kept her blind and brainwashed her to accept things as they were and never to question anything. She was also socialised to always make sacrifices to make her man happy.

Side dish

Fast forward to 2016, and the traditional woman is extinct.

In her place is the modern enlightened woman who can be just as selfish as any man out there.

This is why I believe no Kenyan man can handle two modern women. Many men today are unable to keep the one wife they have happy and satisfied; what makes them think that they can handle two wives?

Do not delude yourselves that because you have mastered the art of handling your wife and side dish, that you now have a PhD in handling two or more wives.

The wants and needs of a wife and a mpango wa kando are very different. What a woman wants when she is the ‘mpango wa kando’ changes drastically when she becomes a wife.

Please men, do not be naive, instead celebrate that our government is not forcing you to marry two wives.

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and most men are already planning about the excuses they will use to avoid treating their one and only. Yet here they are shouting about going to Eritrea to practice polygamy.