Why do we blame the woman when marriage fails?

This column could get away with the title 'the woman who got the blame', and I would never, ever run out of material or have to desperately try and beat deadlines. If anything, the waiting list of women to write about would be so long, that it would make the Tesla Roadster one look like child's play.

Of course, there is always the other side of the coin, so the alternative column title could be 'The man who got away with it.' it would be the same story with the waiting list because whenever there is a winner, there must be a loser, even when the game is not fair. There is nothing fair about the de-coupling game of heterosexuals.

Women should be used to it by now, but every time it happens, we are newly shocked. But I am here to state that I am over getting shocked - in fact, from now henceforth, the only thing that will shock me is if a woman does not get the blame. That would be a case of a man biting a dog.

This blame game is a universal unifier that ignores geographical locations, race and religion. The ever-evasive world peace could do with this formula.

It is a woman's job to keep a relationship alive, and a marriage going. Nothing new though, because our ancestors, way before we were colonised, pretty much left homes to women as they went out hunting and gathering food.

I remember this one time in the village when my mother and I stopped by her friend's home. When we knocked on the door, the husband spoke even before the door was opened and said: 'The owner is not in'. I later learned that it was the norm, that a man did not own the house, and his warning us about the owner's (wife's) absence was a polite way of telling us there was nobody to welcome us into the house or feed us.

We never did get inside the house, but it left me wondering why when a marriage breaks, it is the woman who leaves.

Marriage and home are strangely synonymous. If it is a woman's job to take care of the home, by default, the marriage is her responsibility and if it fails, it is her fault.

If she does not ask the husband where he gets the family's daily bread from, she has no business thinking that he is not doing his part in keeping the marriage alive.

The man could be a serial philanderer or a batterer, and if the woman gets fed up with the shenanigans, she will choose to focus on herself, want to know what she did, or did not do, to drive the man into the arms of another woman. They may cite her big mouth as the reason for being battered.

Only one problem, or several. Things are different now, but humans want to cherry-pick changes. Women are working for daily bread. Women have voices in boardrooms. Many women are single-handedly footing home bills - you would think, that if she is taking some of the man's responsibilities, he would take some of hers, like keeping that marriage alive.

Sister, if you decide to walk away: Before you walk away, make sure you grow a skin as thick as an elephant's. You will need it because the attacks in the form of religious verses and memes will come fast and furious.

They will insult you with big words and create lies about you. If you walk away, make a decision to never defend yourself, because no defence is better than silence.

Before you walk away, make sure you have your strong spiritual shield, because They will be sending very bad vibes your way. They will wish bad things to happen to you so you can be an example to women who may want to leave toxic environments.

They will wish you brokenness and 'brokenness'. They will wish you sleepless nights. They will wish you dry spells. They will wish you tears. But They will wish the one you left all the best, and tell him that he deserves better.

Who are They, I hear you ask? They are the people who do not want women borrowing a leaf from men.

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