How I handled my landlord after locking my bedsitter

On Monday, as I left for work, I left my landlord holding a padlock at the door of my bedsitter. The thing is I have not paid the rent for September; I have been waiting for the low interest capped loan from my bank.

It is not all well with these banks. I thought, the law ruled that it is our constitutional right to access the loans without undue delay?

I have no hard feelings. I can always find a way.

On arriving at the house in the evening, my house had an extra padlock. Then the door was written in red ink, "No Access, Contact Landking".  I did not know that the landlord can also be the Landking. It is fine, English is a growing language.

As I sat on the verandah, contemplating on what I was to do, I remembered my high school times. Truly speaking I have come a long way to self-sufficiency. Now I can comfortably afford a full loaf of Festive bread for myself and by myself.

It was a day like no other; on my first day in secondary school. So some guy had come to me on my first lunch in form one. It was during the much-awaited lunch time. I was so eager to have my maiden lunch in high school. He chose not to see the new uniform or even the soft diplomatic face I portrayed.

"What is your name?” he had asked in a deep bass.

"Naitwa Mteule", I told him in Swahili and in alto.

"You can't speak in English, kwani umetafutiwa shule au uliitwa hapa?” he asked.

"Nilitafutiwa!” I said raising my alto voice.

He then called some other two men, who by the look of their statures were supposed to have finished school. He informed them, that I was not called to the school and that I was the reason why they could not have their fair share of the meat. He informed them that I was the most ignorant boy in the whole of Nakuru District.

One tall guy looked at me and asked if I knew my binomial nomenclature.

"Yes I know?” I answered.

Like you know I was used to being given choices in primary school. Hence, no question could go unanswered, even if it was the wrong answer. Writing “B” was always easy.

"Which is it?” he had asked while smiling widely.

"Naitwa Kaka Mteule, mtoto mtiiifu wa mama....” I said.

They had asked me to stop as they rolled and fell in laughter. I did not get the point; I had answered them fully and in honest-good-faith.

"You are a confused mosquito", the guy with curl kit fair hair had told me.

"Yes I am", I agreed.

"You say, Yes sir…Say you are the mosquito that causes Malaria!” he demanded.

"Yes sir, I am a female anopheles mosquito and I cause malaria", I agreed and added something I was sure they were not aware. That part of anopheles mosquito.

Sometimes it is good to know when to fight and when to give up.

"Good, ukifika Form two, you will be taught about tectonic forces. Tectonic force is a force like this one", he said as he cut my ugali into two unequal pieces. He then left with the larger piece.

As if that was not enough, that afternoon, the Biology teacher came with some leaves in class. It was a double lesson; it was a very trying time. I learnt not to take life so seriously that day. The Biology teacher wrote on the board, drosophila melanogaster. I thought it was the binomial nomenclature name for the huge elephant only to learn it was for a fruit fly.

Then on the sixth day, the chemistry teacher was teaching on an apparatus that emits very hot blue flame; the gas inlet, chimney, air hole, luminous and non-luminous flames etcetera. In my mind I figured that it was so big, like a tower of Babel or something...only to learn that the Bunsen burner was just a tiny tool.

And by the way all the time, I was in school, I always felt that there was something to discover.

Eureka! Eureka!

When the principal asked what we had discovered after a hundred days in high school.

I confidently raised my hand, during the flag raising ceremony, on a Monday, and said.

"Did you know that the modern hen does not make noise (cackle) after laying an egg?” I started.

"The traditional hen made noise to alert the cock that all went well...of late, the hen does not need a cock to lay an egg", I was unstoppable.

 Well, the principal told me to keep up with the good mind but mind what I was to discover!

So when the landlord closed my bedsitter, I was tempted to use force. With that fact that, I survived all that, and I well know about the existence of tectonic forces, I was tempted to apply what I learnt in Geography. With a Maiko Dudikoff kick back or back kick or both, I was sure I could break into the bedsitter. But, I decided to use a peaceful means.

For peace, I decided to wait and see what the Landking was up to…I have nothing to worry about since my bank sent me a message.

The message read “Your low-interest loan is being processed”. With a low interest capped loan, I will have to shift to Kileleshwa and rent a two bedroom apartment. With this faith, I will also buy the long awaited VW Polo for my girlfriend. She needs it as a requirement of an engagement present.

©Mteule