Things parents don’t know about their campo kids

Imagine this. It’s midnight, which means you are in dreamland, probably snoring. Then comes this phone call from the police, informing you that your son, who does not own a car, has been charged with drunk driving, at night! The truth is, your son or daughter, who is ‘chewing’ books in college, is probably a total stranger to you. He is not the innocent boy (or girl) who left home the other day. Here are some of the things they could be doing secretly in campus.

1. Your son is gay. And the boyfriend to your daughter is her female age mate.

Like a city, campus is a cosmopolitan institution whose diversity has had your child discover, change or adjust his or her sexual orientation.

The confident son you have isn't chasing girls like his peers. Instead, he is into boys. He applies make up, purse his lips with red lipstick and puts on skirts when he attends those lewd midnight parties where men cat walk, kiss and call each other bae, cupcake or honey.

Your daughter might be a lesbian. She likes girls. It's cool that way. She says girls understand girls better, so her man in shining amour is a girl with a hoarse voice and dreadlocks who puts on black bow-ties and male jeans.

2. Your daughter is babysitting a 20-year-old campus man in the room your pay for.

She isn't just married; she is his caretaker, sponsor, maid, lover and plaything. Your daughter feeds him. Cleans his sweaty underwear, undresses him when he staggers at her door stiff drunk and washes her bed sheets when this boy throws up the cheap vodka and brandy on them.

She sponsors his bangi smoking sessions, pays for his drinks at night clubs, warms his bath water and turns the other cheek when he slaps her. Still, your daughter stays.

3. Your children are having more sex, than you'll ever have

When news of a fetus discarded in a bin at a local university hits headlines, you most certainly won't suspect your daughter. Or think your good son fathered the fetus.

Truth is, your kids are having more sex than you'll ever have in a lifetime. The pocket money you sent them is also spent on buying P2 pills, condoms lubricants and luring unsuspecting freshmen to bed by buying them pizza, alcohol and other goodies.

They carry out sexual acts that would make good old Lucifer blush in admiration. They do it in the bathrooms, washing rooms of night clubs even in groups during house parties.

4. He is a home breaker: A spanner boy who fixes and services sexually starved women.

It's no longer news when a campo girl arrests the attention of a married man and steals him from the wife. Your sons are now home breakers. Thanks to his endowment and charm, your son is now a service or spanner boy to a group of sexually starved wives. So, if a usually unhappy Chama member spots that 'glow' on her face, thank your son for helping out your friend.

5. Your child might be struggling with the trauma of HIV and advancing AIDS.

According to the National AIDS Control Council, about 1.6 million Kenyans are living with the virus. A good number of them are in university, either as lectures, workers or students. Your child might be among them.

If your child seems disturbed, or an illness that visited him isn't de-camping have him checked.

6. It's not just wazungu that are depressed and go for therapy. Your child might be depressed, traumatized or recovering from trauma.

Perhaps her boyfriend beat her up or raped her. Maybe a girl he calls bae left her for a sponsor. Or those differences at home are gnawing at her heart resulting in depression.

Books and relationships are weighty. And your sulking or quiet child might not just be angry but depressed too.

Reach out to her before she slashes her wrists.

7. Besides the MCA, your governor and a private developer, someone in your house also pockets public funds.

You should know a few things about your child who is a campus student leader. Save for leadership skills, he too is perfecting the act and art of jackpotting- thieving comrades money and splashing it on a campus girl, the suit or watch he bought you during father's day and those khaki trousers he puts on.

It appears devolution has knocked on your door.

8. I'm certain you've heard of sponsors.

The little girl you doted on might be receiving cookies and giving out her cookie not to just to any sponsor but a sponsor of influence, say a governor, that MP you see on TV or a business tycoon in the city.

Be wary. Years ago, a number of campo girls linked to certain politicians lost their lives after a party. So tell me, how well do you know your daughter?

9. Next time you hurl stones at a bicycle thief, or a mugger, ask yourself if your soon to be a graduate child is a thief.

Campus students lose bras, tops, khaki trousers, laptops, phones and even towels in their hostels. What sort of graduate deals in petty crime when their peers are earning big and easy from sportpesa?

Well, if your good child swaps mobile phones or laptops, and you know he can't start or run a business leave alone manage his studies, know that he might be a pretty thief, stealing from his peers.

10. His weekends begin on Thursday. And end on Thursday.

There's always a big party out of town, a rave where drinks and fornication are a glorified. Sometime back it was Masaku sevens.

What you may not know is that your child, with other comrades hire vehicles to go get turnt up, that the money for a trip, medicine or food he asks for on a Wednesday finances his fuel for a hired vehicle, her Guarana, condoms and litters of cheap liquor.