Seek God’s kingdom first, family stability second

By Judy Thongori
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Many of us may not remember that in our Constitution at Article 45, we, the people of Kenya agreed that family is the fundamental unit of society and the basis of social order. I will quickly remind us that family refers to persons connected by blood, marriage and adoption.

Fundamental means basic or primary while  social order means the existence of structures that bring together a  harmonious  community.

I have no doubt that many of us will have experienced just how basic and how affecting of social order family is.

This basic truth is best echoed by an experience I overheard in a conversation between two men who were seated next to me at a wedding. I have confirmed that that experience is true of many of our lives.

The conversation went something   like the following:

Man 1: Do you know of a good lawyer?  

Man 2: Why do you need a lawyer? Those people are sharks man!

Man 1:  I would rather the sharks over than my current situation.

Man 2: What would be so bad?

Man 1: You may not know it but I have recently been on a success path and a lot of good things have finally come through.

I have managed to pay off my mortgage, and I do not have arrears on school fees, for the first time in my life.

I have   also recently bought a new car and my wife and I do not have to worry about jumpstarting our cars in the morning; you might remember that was a daily ritual when we were neighbours.

Man 2: Hey that is great man! Of course your success is visible. But I still do not know why you need a lawyer?

Man 1: Hear me out man; a short while ago, I happened upon the deal of my life. I got a licence to run a South African successful chain of restaurants locally. With the growth in Nairobi’s population and the middle class, I was certain that my financial woes were completely behind me. The expected financial gains were beyond my wildest imagination.

I travelled to South Africa severally to discuss the details of the agreement and we finally agreed that representatives of the chain would come to Kenya to sign the final documents. 

The day finally came and I was walking on air. I whistled as I showered and dressed. The media was going to cover the event and so I wore my very best. I had a drink date with my guys later in the day and I made a mental note to carry a copy of the signed document to show them.   Incidentally, my assistant called your office to invite you to the drinks date but he was told you were away.

I got to the office and confirmed that everything was in place. I could see the media representatives with cameras having coffee in one of the offices ready to click and write away.

The visitors came and were shown to the boardroom as I waited to make a dramatic appearance.  I laughed at myself when I remember the show.  Anyway image is everything so I guess I did what I had to do.

As I was just at the door ready to enter the boardroom, my sms alert came on. I was irritated by the intrusion and I whipped out the phone intending to ignore the message but somehow, I opened the message and I had to look into it. It was from my wife and she said, “it is not working Kamau. I want a divorce”

And with that the rug was pulled from under my feet. I sat down on the nearest chair and read the message again. I was stunned. I called my wife but she did not answer the call. I was devastated.

Ten minutes later, my assistant came in and looked surprised that I was not with the visitors.  I collected myself, forced a smile and went into the boardroom. I signed the contract, posed for photographs but I felt flat.

I forgot to make a copy for the boys and I even forgot the drinks. I went home but my wife would not talk to me. I believe that she is in the process of filing for a divorce.

I have lost it man! I have to rescue my family before it is too late. I can’t believe that I have been so blind. I forgot my family and pursued financial success and look how empty I now feel despite the financial success. That is why I need a family lawyer.

Man 2:  I am truly sorry man. I had a close shave with such a situation not too long ago and I survived it. I agree that you need a family lawyer but you also need a counsellor.

Readers, I know that the Bible says seek ye first the Kingdom of God. May I suggest that we seek family stability second?

May I also suggest that relationships, whether by blood or legal, are very dear to very many of us; in a sense they complete the humanity of a person. Any threat to them is very painful; most of the times we realise that a little too late.

Someone asked me whether the end of a relationship would be less painful for people who are not married but live as partners and I said that the difference is the same. It is the loss of the relationship that hurts so deep and not the legal status, in my humble view.