Are you always playing victim?

Are you always playing victim? (Photo: iStock)

Do bad things happen to you no matter what you do or try? Do you feel it’s always other people’s fault when something happens to you? Chances are, you could have a victim mentality.

According to Dr Martin Seligman, a pioneer in positive psychology, a victim mentality is characterized by a pervasive belief that external forces are solely responsible for one’s circumstances.

Individuals with this mindset often attribute their misfortunes to bad luck, fate or the actions of others, neglecting personal accountability and responsibility at all costs.

While it’s natural to experience setbacks and feel overwhelmed, which we all do, a persistent victim mentality can become a self-fulfilling prophecy hindering personal growth and limiting opportunities.  

The roots of a victim mentality can be complex and multifaceted. No one walks around thinking they have a victimhood problem and because of that, they may not be aware of it. Past traumas, negative experiences or learned behaviours can contribute to this mindset.

Suppose you find yourself constantly sharing negative experiences about your life. In that case, you’re overly concerned about keeping scores, you’re always defensive and you have a very strong sense of entitlement to mention a few, you need to question where the victim mentality stems from.

Recognizing the signs of a victim mentality is crucial for initiating change. Once you identify those common indicators it becomes easier to take action.

Individuals with a victim mentality often find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions and may struggle to envision a positive future. Overcoming this mentality requires a conscious shift in perspective and a commitment to personal growth.

The first place you want to begin is by taking accountability. Not every circumstance is your fault but how you react to them is your responsibility. If you thrive on validation and pity from others to feel as if you’re in control of things, you may need to work with a coach.

A therapist on the other hand will help you go down the rabbit hole and unearth where it all comes from and help you get through the recovery process.

And difficult as it may be, be kind to yourself. People who suffer from victim mentality always assume everyone is out to get them.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Learn how to forgive yourself when things go south and don’t be tempted to throw yourself a pity party either. Call it for what it is and tackle it the proper, healthy way.