Soaring solo: When is the right time to let children travel alone?

A man carrying his daughter [iStockphoto]

When Michael Njoro’s son and daughter asked to go on their first trip without him and Susan (their mother), the 48-year-old doctor and his 45-year-old wife, a teacher felt worried. Never mind that it was a one-day trip to a skate park in a neighbouring county.

Longer trips that would take them far away from home with friends were off-limits.

However, the “off-limit” was short-lived when Joel (17), and Adams (14) one day came with a letter from their school requesting them to allow and fund them to travel to Barcelona.

“Our next-door neighbour and family’s 15-year-old daughter had already paid for the trip, and they (the parents) were excited at the prospects of their teenage daughter getting such a chance that would give her exposure,” Joel told his parents.

The lucky young girl was one of the many young scholars whose parents had welcomed the idea and signed up for the trip for their children. 

“I knew that my sons were sensible in their argument, but it is just that as parents we worry other people around them, that someone may start an argument, that might end up in a nasty incident,” says Njoro. 

He says he had memories of his trip to Spain at age 16, but it feels like that was a long time ago and the world has changed with more aggression. 

In the end, however, the couple gave in after consultations with family and friends, including some who had registered their children for the trip.

The planning team also convinced parents that all would be well with their children. The trip, everyone agreed, was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for their teenage children. 

The debate about when exactly is the right or appropriate time to let children go on long-distance travel either within the country or abroad on their first parent-free holiday is a hectic topic for parents.

“Many parents have found it difficult to release their children for solo travel,” explains Stephanie Muraguri, a sales manager with an international tour firm. 

The mother of three, one pre-teen and two teenagers says that while some parents, including herself, believe such trips can be the making of a teenager, for others, it is a nightmarish scenario. 

“Indeed, although many pre-university learning institutions plan field trips for children as young as six years (pre-high school goers), and high school teenagers, many parents, including social services personnel have questioned the decision of parents who allow young children to travel long distances and spend days on their own,” says Stephanie. 

In deciding to let their children travel solo, she adds, the parents have broken no law, and neither was there anything neglectful about it. 

She says the concerns are mostly about the security and safety of the children, especially when travelling alone with friends and team leaders. Travel expert, says that they have planned such trips for children unaccompanied by their parents and guardians and they have proved successful. 

“The trips have exposed the children to what goes on outside of their closed-up spaces, providing them with more insights, making new friends, and opening their minds to the benefits of travel at an early age,” says the expert. 

The Muraguri’s report that their two sons went on a three-week trip to Spain and came back excited. It seemed that their first solo trip abroad was more insightful and experiential than his was more than two decades back. 

When is the right age for teenagers to travel solo?

According to the Muraguris, 17 would be ideal for children to travel without an adult and 18 would be even better. “The teenager will have strict rules such as texting back every day, as it is something that we do even on short solo trips within,” says the mother of two. 

The doctor says that although he went to Spain and later to South Africa at the age of 16 and 17 years respectively, he thinks situations and circumstances, especially with advanced technology have changed, raising even more concerns about allowing children under 17 to travel solo. 

Stephanie, whose firm has been involved in arranging trips for children travelling solo, says the right age depends on the person and their level of maturity, including how far the children are going. 

“Even with the exposure of working for an international travel farm where I confirmed many bookings for children as young as five years travelling solo, I was nervous when my 13-year-old son took his first trip with a group from my church,” says Stephanie. 

However, she says, many things come into play when debating on whether children should travel solo. For instance, streetwise and confident teenagers could be fine from the age of 13.

She says with technology, apps like Snapchat and Life360 make it much easier to stay in touch with the children.

Dan and Leah Mwandime have no worries about letting their 13-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son go on trips to destinations in and outside the country because they were lucky their parents allowed them to make such trips whenever such opportunities popped up. 

Mwandime says the trips were fun, educative and insightful, and he would not deny his children such experiences. 

“Our daughter has already been to Kigali and Zanzibar and we are gearing up to let our son travel to China with his friends on an organised trip in early December,” says Leah. 

The couple says they would give their son the same advice they have given him and his sister before – to keep his phone on, call them if he has any issues and never let anyone buy him drinks. He should stay with his group and always follow the instructions of the team leader. 

“Best of all, we always remind them how important it is for them to enjoy themselves and have a good time. “It is good to give the children confidence and let them know you trust them,” says Leah. 

Expert Tips

Wanjiru Lisa, a psychologist, who specialises in parenting, says all parents want some definitive age when it would be ideal to allow children to travel solo, but it all comes down to the individual child and parent and the relationship between them. 

She says things to consider should include their child’s friendship group, how far they would be going and their child’s personality. What are their life experiences like? What is their maturity level and how confident they are on their own or with a group of friends, and other people?

Lisa stresses the importance of the parents checking their anxiety levels and controlling their fears so as not to let their anxiety and fear deny their children excellent travel opportunities. 

“It is important not to let your hang-ups stop your child from enjoying freedoms, which they might deal well with,” she says.

She adds that the decision must be a collaborative agreement, to avoid pushbacks. 

“Find out about the arrangements – who are the planners for the travel, how well has it been planned, are you and the planners familiar with the destination? What are the probable risks? What has been put in place to counter them?” Mwadime says.

However, Lisa says, sometimes parents have declined solo travel requests for good reasons.

In this case, she advises parents to be ready for heavy disappointment: “In this case, no matter the explanation about why they can’t go, they will probably be angry and upset, but remember it is okay to hold those boundaries for your child.”

She advises the parents to let the child know that this no to their request is not forever, and what you are saying is “not yet, not at this time.”