No, you can't 'vuvuzela' or 'activism' your way through CHAN

Vuvuzelas, whistles and toilet paper are prohibited at CHAN 2024. [Standard]

With just hours to go before the opening ceremony of the African Nations Championship (CHAN) 2024 at Tanzania’s Benjamin Mkapa Stadium, the Confederation of African Football (CAF) has issued a list of stadium rules that reads more like a party-killer’s manifesto.

First up: Kenyan fans, leave your beloved vuvuzelas at home. Yes, those deafening, buzzing horns that have become the unofficial soundtrack of Kenyan football are officially banned.

Joining the no-fun list are toilet paper, whistles, trumpets, horns, balls of any kind, even footballs, bottles, cans of food, and even thermoses. You heard that right…your hot chai isn’t making it past security.

CAF’s contraband catalogue doesn’t stop there. Fireworks, lighters, laser pointers, alcohol, large bags, prams, oversized umbrellas, musical instruments, flags larger than 1x2 meters, and flagpoles longer than a meter are all out.

Also on the no-go list are pets, masks, flammable materials, and, brace yourself, professional cameras or video recorders. Unless CAF-approved, you’ll have to stick to shaky smartphone videos and blurry selfies.

In short, you are here to watch the game. Quietly.

And if you were planning to liven things up with some crowd-pleasing protest chants or political slogans such as “Ruto must go” or similar sentiments, think again.

CAF has banned banners, clothing, or signs bearing “offensive or politically motivated messages.”

Naturally, netizens aren’t thrilled. “Imagine watching a goal in dead silence. Striker scores and the crowd politely nods like they’re at a golf tournament in Karen Country Club,” wrote X user IronWatchKE, in what might be the most accurate prediction of CHAN 2024’s vibe.

Come to think of it, CAF's rulebook seems thicker than a tax audit, bans just about everything short of oxygen.