Know sex before marriage: Kenya's new relationship rules

 

As intimate relationships shift outside the traditional boundaries of marriage, a dangerous gap has emerged between lifestyle choices and health protection. [Getty Images]

The traditional script of early marriage, cohabitation, and lifelong formal union is rapidly fading among Kenya’s youth. In its place is a rising tide of sexual independence and non-cohabiting partnerships. Yet, as intimate relationships shift outside the traditional boundaries of marriage, a dangerous gap has emerged between lifestyle choices and health protection.

The latest national demographic figures paint a stark picture of a young population taking greater risks behind closed doors than ever before.

According to the 2025–26 Kenya Mini Demographic and Health Survey (KMDHS), nearly 22 per cent of young women aged 15 to 24 engaged in sexual intercourse with a partner who was neither their husband nor someone living with them in the past 12 months.

More alarming, however, is that 64 per cent of them did so without using a condom during their last sexual encounter, exposing millions to unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

“Twenty-two per cent of women aged 15–24 had intercourse in the past 12 months with a person who was neither their husband nor someone who lived with them,” the report states

Only 36 per cent of these women reported using a condom during their last sexual encounter with such a partner.

The survey also reveals that 2.2 per cent of women aged 15 to 24 had two or more sexual partners in the 12 months preceding the survey. Among them, only 30 per cent used a condom during their last sexual encounter.

According to Prof R. Koigi Kamau, a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist specialising in reproductive endocrinology and infertility, this is not a new phenomenon.

“The latest report does bring renewed attention to the extent of sexual activity and the risks associated with unprotected and multiple sexual partnerships. It’s not a trend,” he says, arguing that sexual activity among young people is something that has been happening.

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He recalls that studies conducted years ago had already established that a significant proportion of young girls were becoming sexually active at an early age, with some having their first sexual encounters before reaching adulthood.

“I think that’s the first thing you need to know. It’s rampant,” he says, arguing that the problem is compounded by gaps in sexuality education, inadequate parental supervision and the weakening of traditional family structures that previously played a role in guiding young people.

Sexual behaviour varied considerably depending on age, marital status, education and place of residence.

“Among young women aged 20 to 24, 30 per cent reported having sex with someone who was neither their husband nor someone they lived with, compared to 14 per cent among those aged 15 to 19.”

The proportion was also higher among women who had never married, at 26 per cent, compared to nine per cent among those who had ever been married.

Age differences were evident, with 30.4 per cent of women aged 20 to 24 reporting sex with a partner outside their union, compared to 13.5 per cent among those aged 15 to 19.

“The proportion of young women reporting two or more sexual partners was also higher among those aged 20 to 24, at 3.5 per cent, compared to 0.9 per cent among teenagers aged 15 to 19.”

Marital status revealed another disparity. Among women who had never married, 26.2 per cent reported having sex with someone who was neither their husband nor someone they lived with, compared to 9.2 per cent among those who had ever been married.

Similarly, 3.5 per cent of ever-married young women reported having two or more sexual partners, compared to 1.7 per cent among those who had never married.

Urban women

Beyond the numbers, Prof Kamau says the bigger concern is the environment in which young people are navigating their sexuality.

“You can’t prevent sex. Whatever you do, they decide to become sexually active.”

Differences were also recorded by place of residence. “Urban women were more likely to report having two or more sexual partners, at 2.6 per cent, compared to 1.8 per cent in rural areas. Similarly, 23.2 per cent of urban women reported sex with a partner outside their union, compared to 20.4 per cent of their rural counterparts.”

However, Prof Kamau cautions against interpreting these differences as evidence that urban or educated women are necessarily more sexually active or promiscuous than their rural counterparts.

“Promiscuity is across the board, in the villages, everywhere,” he says, insisting that sexual activity cannot be reduced to whether a woman lives in an urban or rural setting.

Education emerged as another distinguishing factor. Young women with more than secondary education recorded the highest proportion of sexual intercourse with partners outside their unions at 41 per cent, compared to just two per cent among those with no education.

Interestingly, condom use among young women who had sex with partners outside their unions was higher in rural areas, at 38 per cent, compared to 33 per cent in urban areas.

As intimate relationships shift outside the traditional boundaries of marriage, a dangerous gap has emerged between lifestyle choices and health protection. [Getty Images]

“Among women who reported having multiple sexual partners, 39 per cent of those who had never married used a condom during their last sexual encounter, compared to 19 per cent among those who had ever been married.”

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Beyond the sexual behaviour of young women, the survey also provides a broader picture of sexual activity among Kenyan women.

“Forty-seven per cent of women aged 15 to 49 reported having had sexual intercourse within the four weeks preceding the survey, while 17 per cent had never had sex.”

The proportion of women who had been sexually active within the four weeks preceding the survey has remained relatively stable, declining slightly from 48 per cent in 2003 to 47 per cent in 2025–26, despite peaking at 51 per cent in 2014.

West Pokot recorded the highest proportion of women who had sexual intercourse within the four weeks preceding the survey at 61 per cent, followed by Machakos at 60 per cent, Tana River at 58 per cent, Narok at 57 per cent and Migori at 56 per cent.

Conversely, Vihiga recorded the lowest proportion at 33 per cent, followed by Wajir at 35 per cent, Garissa at 38 per cent, Marsabit at 39 per cent and Nyeri at 40 per cent.

Median age

The figures also reveal differences in the proportion of women who had never engaged in sexual intercourse by the time of the survey.

“Wajir recorded the highest proportion at 38.1 per cent, followed by Garissa at 37.3 per cent and Mandera at 30.6 per cent.”

In contrast, Kirinyaga recorded the lowest proportion of women who had never had sex at 10 per cent, followed by Machakos at 10.7 per cent and Kajiado at 11.2 per cent.

The survey also examined the age at which women initiate sexual intercourse, with the median age at first sex among women aged 25 to 49 standing at 18 years.

‘Fifteen per cent aged 25 to 49 had their first sexual encounters before the age of 15, 51 per cent had it by age eighteen, one per cent of women in the same age group have never had sexual intercourse,” says the report.

The report shows a gradual decline in early sexual debut, with the proportion of women who had sex before age 15 falling from 18 per cent in 2003 to 15 per cent in 2025–26. Similarly, those who had initiated sex by age 18 declined from 54 per cent to 51 per cent over the same period.

“The median age at first sexual intercourse was higher among women in urban areas, at 18.5 years, compared to 17.3”

The survey also examined the timing of sexual debut, with the median age at first sexual intercourse among women aged 25 to 49 standing at 17.9 years.

“County variations were evident, with Wajir recording the highest median age at first sexual intercourse at 19.8 years, followed by Nyeri and Embu, both at 19.1 years. Mombasa recorded 18.8 years, while Nairobi City stood at 18.5 years.”

On the lower end, Samburu recorded the youngest median age at first sexual intercourse at 15.4 years, followed by Migori at 15.9 years, Kisii at 16 years, Homa Bay and Nyamira at 16.1 years, and West Pokot at 16.2 years.

Beyond sexual activity, the survey highlights changing marital patterns among Kenyan women, with fewer women entering or remaining in unions compared to previous years.

Overall, 55 per cent of women aged 15 to 49 were currently in unions, comprising 47.7 per cent who were married and 7.3 per cent who were living together. Another 32.9 per cent had never married, while 8.2 per cent were separated, 1.4 per cent divorced and 2.5 per cent widowed.

Age also played a significant role in marital status. Among teenagers aged 15 to 19, 93.1 per cent had never married, while only 5.9 per cent were in unions. However, among women aged 20 to 24, the proportion in unions rose to 43.4 per cent. “The proportion increased further among women aged 25 to 29, with 68.9 per cent in unions, peaking at 75.1 per cent among those aged 30 to 34.”

The findings point to a gradual shift in marriage patterns over the years.

 “The proportion of women in unions declined from 60 per cent in the 2003 KDHS to 55 per cent in the latest survey, while those who had never married increased from 30 per cent to 33 per cent.”

Meanwhile, formal marriage registration remains relatively low, with only 17.6 per cent of women currently in unions having their marriages registered with a civil authority. Of these, 15.9 per cent had documentation recognising their unions, while 14 per cent had marriage certificates.

The figures vary considerably across counties. “Garissa recorded the highest proportion of women in unions whose marriages were registered and who had marriage certificates at 52 per cent, followed by Isiolo at 43.8 per cent and Lamu at 30.6 per cent.”

Other counties with relatively high registration and marriage certificate figures included Mombasa at 25.3 per cent, Nandi at 21.8 per cent, Uasin Gishu at 20.6 per cent and Nairobi City at 19.9 per cent.

“On the other hand, Mandera recorded the lowest proportion of women with registered marriages and marriage certificates at 1.8 per cent, followed by Wajir at 2.8 per cent, Vihiga at 3.4 per cent, West Pokot and Turkana at 4.3 per cent each, and Kisii at five per cent.”

The survey also reveals a clear wealth divide in formal marriage registration. Only 5.4 per cent of women in the lowest wealth quintile had registered marriages and marriage certificates, compared to 27 per cent among those in the highest wealth quintile.

For Prof Kamau, the figures reflect a broader conversation about how relationships and marriage are increasingly understood, particularly among younger generations.

He observes that more couples are identifying themselves as partners rather than husband and wife, with some choosing cohabitation without formalising their relationships.

“In Europe these days, they talk about my partner. They don’t talk about my wife. They don’t talk about my husband,” he says, drawing from his experience treating couples seeking fertility services.

He says he increasingly encounters couples who introduce each other as partners rather than spouses.

Independence

“There are more people and more women who don’t want to get married, but they want to live with somebody so that they can walk in and out,” he says.

He attributes this partly to changing expectations around marriage, financial independence and women’s desire to retain autonomy within relationships.

In his view, some women increasingly perceive formal marriage as an arrangement that could restrict their independence, particularly when they are financially secure and do not feel economically dependent on a male partner.

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“They don’t want to be controlled by men. They don’t want to be like a wife. They want to be independent,” he says.

Education was another factor: 29.3 per cent of women with more than secondary education had registered marriages and marriage certificates, compared with 10.4 per cent among those with primary education and 10 per cent among those with secondary education.

He argues that for a generation increasingly negotiating relationships on its own terms, the question is whether marriage remains an essential milestone or simply one of several choices available to adults.

“The distinction is important because being sexually active, living with a partner and being legally married are three different realities, even when they overlap,” he says.

Prof Kamau also points out that while education equips women with information and economic independence, it can also expose them to competing social expectations and changing relationship dynamics.

He maintains that university students may be more likely to use contraception because they understand that an unintended pregnancy could interrupt their education and career plans.

This, he says, reinforces the need to make reproductive health education and contraception accessible before young people reach university.

For him, the bigger question is not simply whether Kenyans are having more casual sex, but whether families, schools and the health system are adequately preparing young people to make informed decisions about their sexuality.