How to help your children regulate feelings

How to help your children regulate feelings (Photo: iStock)

Sometimes, even as adults, we have a hard time understanding how we feel. It’s not unusual to go through a period where you feel like you’re ‘just there’.

Emotions are a complex thing and you can imagine how challenging it is for children. They’re still trying to understand themselves and may not know what to do with their feelings.

This is where they need your help as a parent because it’s from you that they learn how to regulate their emotions.

1. Be aware of trends and triggers

Some children get upset when they’re hungry or tired. Others get upset if they don’t get what they want, which means they’re used to being spoilt. Some have difficulty regulating their emotions because of an underlying disability that you may not have noticed. Many factors cause emotional imbalance and each situation needs to be handled differently. In severe cases, you may need to see a doctor or psychologist who can advise you on what to do.

2. Create a stable environment for them

Children respond to the environment they’re exposed to. A healthy home environment nurtures their mental and emotional well-being, giving them the right tools to navigate through life. But if they’ve witnessed violence and other forms of instability at home, they’re likely to have problems. The only way to help them is to raise them without toxicity in the home.

3. Help them become more self-aware

They need you to help them understand themselves better. It should be like a lesson where you take notes and go through them together. They will find the right words to describe that ‘weird feeling’ they get when they’ve had a hard day at school or any other emotion they may not understand. Write down some healthy coping strategies to remind them of when they’re feeling angry or stressed.

4. Acknowledge their feelings

You should never belittle their feelings when they express them. This will only make things worse and these negative experiences will shape their lives in the long term. This will make it harder for them to interact normally with other people. Make them feel safe, loved and understood, even if it’s frustrating for you.

5. Be honest with them when they’re wrong

Letting them express themselves isn’t an excuse for them to misbehave. They need to know that it’s not OK to be violent or insult you or others when they’re upset. Children may throw tantrums in the supermarket when they don’t get what they want, but being rude shouldn’t be encouraged. Be honest with them when you’re disappointed and tell them that what they’re doing is not OK.

6. Have your coping strategies

Develop healthy coping mechanisms as you raise your children. This will prevent you from lashing out at them when they don’t cooperate. Being a parent is stressful at times and you can protect your emotional well-being by using good coping skills.