Sorry, old man M7, looks like you missed the memo, G to G means government to goons

President William Ruto and his Ugandan counterpart Yoweri Museveni at State House, Nairobi, during an official visit to Kenya in July 2025.[PCS]

Good morning, Yoweri Kaguta M7, the life Prezzo of the Matooke Republic of Uganda. I didn’t expect that I would be writing about you this soon, just days after hanging out with some fun Ugandans, including some royals who are domiciled in Nairobi. Yes, we were in the Westlands district that your beloved son, Muhoozi, has been dreaming of overrunning.

And since you have very deep intel networks, deep enough to smoke out and abduct dissidents like Kizza Besigye, who was nabbed from Nairobi Streets two years ago, you probably know I hang out with dissidents. To be clear, dissidence in Ug is defined as doing anything you and your son don’t approve.

I was quite fond of Yoweri of old, the rebel leader with a receding hairline, not the sophisticate with a bald head and face covered in a mask. By the way, I have been meaning to ask what’s up with that permanent mask on your nose. I wonder what you’d have been using had Covid-19 not swept to our shores. Ooh no, you don’t have a shoreline, but you covet ours!

I find it comical that even with your N-95 mask, you still sit half a kilometre away to field questions from reporters. You might as well send statements because the enormous distance means that’s long-distance communication.

I initially thought you had grown senile, which comes with age, but I changed I mind when I heard you speak with clarity about some charlatans who scammed you and your beautiful people of your hard-earned cash. They purported that your fuel consignment came from a government source, while it came from what we call in Nairobi wakora wa soko.

It appears you missed the memo, good old M7. In our context, G to G means government to gangster. In other instances, we substitute gangster with goon, because our regular police outsource their services from goons.

But it appears all is not lost as you have since modified your judgement, even hailing the current administration for helping steer fuel prices in Ug. This doesn’t make any sense because you don’t buy oil from Kenya anymore; you bought our oil company, including the thieves inside.