Museveni's seventh victory speech imagined

Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni. [AFP]

Fellow Ugandans, thank you for granting me a seventh term as president of our great country. You’ve sent a clear message to the cynics that the Pearl of Africa can manage its own destiny.

This victory is not mine alone. It’s a triumph for every patriot committed to nationalism and enduring ideals of Pan-Africanism. Busybodies claiming that I’ve overstayed in office must respect the will of Ugandans. This is our country, and just as we don’t dictate to foreigners, we expect mutual respect.

Today is a great day. My win in the January 15 polls is a reminder to Robert Kyagulanyi (Bobi Wine) of the National Unity Platform that politics and performing arts are two different things. Let him concentrate on his pop music. That’s where he truly belongs.

My old friend Kizza Besigye too must understand that Ugandans prefer a leader they’ve known through generations over a noisemaker like himself. He has outlived his usefulness. For all their stubbornness, let Dr Besigye and Mr Obeid Lutale cool off their heels in the fridge. They aren’t above the law.

To the selfless Gen-Zs who woke up early on Thursday to vote for me and the National Resistance Movement, I thank you whole-heartedly. In fact, the hospitals these youths were born in were built under my leadership, and I ensured all of them were vaccinated against life-threatening childhood diseases. They’ve done well returning my favours.

Our principles on family values are clear. Homosexuality and any colonial bad manners have no place in Uganda. External actors may withhold loans over our anti-LGBTQ laws, but we won’t allow anyone to compromise Uganda’s purity. They can do those things in their countries but not on our sacred soil.

Today, our hearts go out to Nicolas Maduro and the Venezuelans. The AU and great sons of Africa like Cameroon’s Paul Biya, Alassane Ouattara of Ivory Coast, Equatorial Guinea’s Teodoro Obiang Nguema and myself must condemn aggression against sovereign nations. It’s time for geopolitical repositioning since Americans, Chinese and the Russians are on the moon. They see us but we don’t see them.

Fellow citizens, under my leadership, Uganda will jealously protect its resources, including the fisheries in Lake Victoria. We equally expect our neighbours to curb proliferation of illegal arms, but no country should restrict our access to the Indian Ocean because that would be a serious injustice.

In the spirit of the East African Community, trade barriers must go. However, we won’t retaliate if our goods like milk and eggs, are frustrated in regional trade.

We’ll keep our communication channels open. Still, we’ll apologise if any Ugandan official posts something on X (Twitter) that offends another country.

Meanwhile, we will act firmly against disruptions in regional transport caused by protests or picketing in Kenya that may end up ‘kunyoa reli’ for trains coming to Uganda. As I begin my seventh term today, I will ruthlessly champion the ‘make EAC, buy EAC’ initiative to protect jobs and stimulate investment. No country can do this alone. In fact, we need a federation.

This being my very last term, yes last term, I pledge to work with Presidents William Ruto, Salva Kiir, Paul Kagame, Samia Suluhu, Hassan Mohamud, Évariste Ndayishimiye and Félix Tshisekedi to improve the lives of EAC citizens. It is unfortunate that while the EAC, with a combined GDP of $1,917,904 million and 174 million people, expands membership, citizens still face economic hardships.

I remind Joseph Kony and remnants of Iddi Amin, Milton Obote and Tito Okello regimes that negative energy won’t be allowed. They’ve been saying bad things about me. They even claim I’m not Ugandan. They also allege that I’ve overstayed in office yet I should instead be thanked for serving long.

On claims of police brutality, internet shutdown, crackdown on the opposition and bullying of media and rights lobbies before and during the polls, those with evidence can go to court.

Uganda remains a citadel of justice and freedom. Since 1986, I’ve always known what’s good for Ugandans. Fellow citizens, may we unite and deliver a new Uganda. Thank you, great people. God bless Uganda.