Make your current friendships last a lifetime

Make your current friendship last a lifetime (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I don’t have any lifelong friends. I thought I’d stay close to my schoolmates, but gradually I lost them, one by one, and now all I have is colleagues and acquaintances. How do I make some friends who will be attending the course?

Lifelong Friends

Chris says,

Hi Lifelong Friends!

Yours is a common experience because it’s hard to stay close through all the different stages we go through in life, like college, work, marriage, raising children, and so on. At each phase in our lives, we need different things from our friends.

So pick future friends with care. Be friendly to everyone you meet, of course. But only get close to people who hold similar values to yours. And similar goals. Who lifts your mood? Who isn’t negative or down all the time? Who has a thirst for knowledge? Who’s serious about their ambitions, relationships and work?

Choose friends who challenge your beliefs and expectations. Pick friends who are genuinely happy to see you succeed.  And as the saying goes, be wary of the people who don’t clap when you win.

It would be best if you were a good friend in turn, of course. But it’s also important to realise that the friends we make change as we go through life.

So we only really have BFFs up to our early 20s. As people approach their 30s and beyond, the days when life felt like one big blind date gradually fade away. Your time gets tighter, priorities change, and everyone becomes a lot less willing to drop everything for a night on the town.

Once people start seriously coupling up, the difficulties go on increasing. Because it’s hard to hold on to friends across life’s big transitions, like getting married, having children, caring for elderly parents and retirement.

So making friends is complicated. It’s so easy and intense in school and college that you think your BFF will be with you always. But later on, your friendships will become far more situational, and less intense. But they’re still worth having, so never stop making new ones!

All the best,

Chris