Bad sex: Why women fake orgasms

One thing about good lungula is that you will have really good sleep afterwards.

In fact, the deep sleep that comes after an orgasm should be bottled and sold. You’ll also have wet flash backs the next day.

You will be out there going about your business then your mind takes you back to the previous night, and you feel a shiver run down your spine.

Or sometimes your nunu walls just move in a way that reminds you of the amazing experience. In short, the nunu is thanking you for choosing someone who met its needs.

Gone are the days when women were shy about their sexual pleasures, when a man would be the only one to initiate sex.

Nowadays, a woman would just call a man and say: “I am horny,” then pleasurable decisions would be made, especially when ‘that time of the month’ hits in full force.

Contrary to popular belief, ‘that time of the month’ is not the three or four days when Aunt Flo comes visiting.

It actually refers to ovulation, a phase in the menstrual cycle when your ovary releases an egg (ovum) ready for fertilisation. 

Ovulation brings with it an overdrive of hormones, both good and bad feelings. One of the good ones is being constantly horny.

The “horniness” that comes with that cannot be described. You will call the person whom you exchange bodily fluids with and tell him: “Don’t come to me, I will come to you,” because at that point your vagina has taken over your life decisions.

That is the time you can even call that “toxic dick”, the guy that you know is not good for you but the way he thrusts you, you are willing to risk your mental wellness just to climax, then you will go for therapy later.

But what exactly happens when a man hits the G-spot? One, the woman’s heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate increase.

The muscles of your vagina and uterus often contract. This may cause a small amount of fluid to be released from your genitals. For others, its an entire gushing from the river of squirts. Ask any Senga from Uganda and you’ll get the details.

During orgasm, the female body releases a hormone called dopamine also known as “the feel-good hormone,” which boosts mood, creates a comfort level with your body, make you aware of what feels good for you, improves sleep and may relieve pain. 

Hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins can act as natural pain relievers.

During orgasm, the hormone that accompanies pleasure oxytocin increases and the hormone which causes stress, cortisol decreases. Regular orgasms will make your skin glow.

Healthline.com says there are six types of orgasms including clitoral, vaginal, anal, combo or blended, erogenous and convulsing.

Vaginal orgasms are deeper in the body and are usually accompanied by pulsations of the vaginal canal walls.

When the G-spot — a specific spot about two inches inside the front vaginal wall — is stimulated, it can result in ejaculation.

During Anal orgasm, the muscle contractions you feel will primarily be in the anal canal and around the anal sphincter.

When the vagina and the clitoris are stimulated at the same time, it result to a more explosive orgasm, thus the name Combo or blended. Erogenous orgasm include places where it feels good when touched such as breasts, lips, neck and thighs.  

Finally, Convulsing orgasms are orgasms that result in the pelvic floor muscles convulsing over and over again really quickly. These orgasms usually happen after a long buildup.

Fake moaning

One of the biggest debates yet is the issue of moaning. Just this week, a man sought advice on a Facebook marriage group saying his woman moans “loudly causing neighbours to wake up”.

While some users said that loud moaning is exciting and a source of motivation for the man, others said chances are that loud moaners are most likely faking it.

“I don’t fake a moan; I will be quiet like a library until you get it right. I am not here to stroke your ego, I am here for pleasure,” says Jane, a 23-year-old student.

Christy, 39-year-old woman, says she did not know what an orgasm was until she got divorced.

“He was my first man, we got married and I thought that was it. When my marriage ended, I had sex with a colleague and I had never felt anything  like that before, that pleasure could have killed me. I moaned so loud and that is when I realized that, all my life I was just faking pleasure for a husband who did not care about my needs,” she says.

Christy says that she is exploring her sexuality, fake moaning is in her past now and she is even ready to have sex with women.

Unlike the two women, 25-year-old Maryann says that she fakes moans to please the man. “I am really having bad sex. There are things I like that I do not get, for men all they want is to get in. I like compliments, I want him to say you are such a good girl,” she says.

Apart from not being called “a good girl” Maryann says that the men she has encountered do not follow instructions.

“I try to direct them and they do not understand. I like being fingered properly not kosokosoing inside my nunu, also caress by breasts don’t press them like mangoes, bite my nipples properly, why are you focusing on one breast only,” she says. 

She prefers being on top, and bad sex is when she does not cum. “I hate it when men ask me did you cum? If I did you would know. I like it when a man asks: “Do you like this, do you want me to stop?” she says. Maryann says she actually prefers having sex with a woman.

“Women 90 per cent. With a woman, both of our pleasures come first, our femininity just blends. Men want to take charge but they do not know what they are doing. I prefer having sex with a woman any day because I know I will get my pussy eaten,” she says.

Good sex, bad sex

But the big question is: How would you know if you are actually having good sex?

“To know good sex, you must have experienced bad sex. I am lucky that I get guys whom I can freely talk to and explore new things with and my needs are met,” says 25-year-old Rye.

“If I want to try something new, I would text him and we would try. Age is also a factor, someone who is a little bit older is better. I communicate what I want. I do not fake moan,” she says adding,

No oral sex? Boy bye. It is the year of the Lord 2024, and women will not allow men who want their mjulus pleasured but not return the favour. There should be a special place in heaven for men who go down on women.

A man who knows what he is doing with his tongue can make you speak in tongues, he can make you grab the edges of the bed, then try to grab the air, you will feel like you are going blind but then feel like you can see some light, you will want to scream, and ululate, but you can’t because there is pleasure that is building up, and you just want to savour the moment. Ah! The government should exempt such men from paying tax.”

However, there are women who do not know what that feeling is, because their men say: “I do not eat pussy.” Seriously and the government is just quiet, arrest them! Maryann adds that the men she has encountered do not like oral sex. They would expect it from her but they would not return the favour.

According to 31-year-old Peter, he does not have oral sex with women because of a traumatic experience. “I used to like it, until I had an experience with a woman who did not practice good hygiene. That experience was horrible, I swore not to have oral sex ever again,” he says.

39-year-old David says the pleasure of his partner comes first. “There is no way I can go to bed with a woman and I do not take care of her needs. I am okay with being directed by a woman, she knows her body better, when she is cumming I am supposed to be attentive,” he says.

He adds that foreplay is very important, men need to make their women comfortable before they start the “game”.

Alex, a 34-year-old event organizer says that pleasing a woman is important but he does not like being directed during the act.

“If she is saying faster or slower that is okay, but other instructions should be given after sex. Also, the tone matters, she should not instruct me like I am an intern,” he concludes.