Men vent too, but only to their barbers

A man getting his hair shaved. (Courtesy/iStock)

The stories that these men tell when they are all alone can make you frequent the barbershop even if you have no hair to shave off.

They meet here for the first time and the strong bond they create after a short period of time might leave you thinking that they have known one another for ages yet the only common thing that brings them together is the haircut.

With just a greeting, a topic of discussion, a talkative barber who mostly doubles up as a moderator, and the kinyozi is automatically turned into a vent zone.

Recently, a client was explaining how he has tried to cheat on his wife even once but she always finds out and he wondered how other men manage to sleep around without being caught. Even if he tries to tip their house girl, Nekesa by sending her a few shillings on her phone, Mama watoto would still notice and the fight would ensue. So he said he gave up and decided to be faithful.

Then, another client who was next in line chipped in and gave his story on how he once managed to cheat on three different women on the same day. He’s been my client for the longest time and I knew he was a womanizer when he would turn his head anytime a lady passed by and I would joke that I should put him in a side mirror so that he doesn’t have to turn his head around.

He said that he used to work in shifts and his main chic had just moved in. So on that very day, he lied to her that he was working during the day but it was his off day.

The girlfriend left for work ahead of him and that’s when he called the first side chic who came over and they had some good time until 1 pm after which he released her pretending that he wanted to prepare to go to work.

Immediately after she had left, he called the second side chic who showed up right on time and everything happened until 4 pm. He put on his work uniform and they left with her to town where they went their separate ways. He then went and picked up his main girlfriend at the office and they headed back home.

All this time, the girlfriend knew that he was from work. So when they reached the gate, he got a text message from the second side chic. She was informing him that since they left in a rush, she forgot her makeup kit on top of the table.

He had to quickly find a way to trick the girlfriend so that he could get into the house ahead of her. “So what did you do?”I asked. “Simple, I just told her to go to mama mboga’s kiosk to buy some greens as I headed to the house and within a flash, the mess was cleared and that’s how I got away with it,” he said.

Everyone at the barbershop burst out with laughter and after that story, I got to understand why a man can manage to have several concubines who only appear at his funeral with look-alike kids and yet his real wife was not even aware of their existence. So, if you thought men don’t vent, they do only at the barbershop.