Additionally, counselors should strive to create an environment free from judgment and allow couples to speak openly about their feelings and experiences to create a stronger bond.
Understand that marriage isn't a degree
Marriage is not a degree or qualification; it is a commitment to another person and should be taken seriously. It is essential for individuals looking to get married to understand that marriage involves more than just deciding their future - it also includes the responsibility of caring for and respecting one another throughout the relationship.
Marry regardless of tribe
When it comes to marriage, it is crucial for individuals to look beyond tribal lines and instead focus on finding someone they truly connect with. Marrying solely based on one's tribe can lead to a relationship that lacks love, trust, and understanding - all essential components for a strong union.
Instead, couples should strive to find someone who shares their values and beliefs and with whom mutual respect is present. This will help ensure the relationship's success as it will be built upon an honest connection between two people - something more meaningful than any tribal ties.
Have honest conversations
When a marriage turns sour, many couples are unable or unwilling to communicate about what's wrong for fear that it will be seen as a sign of weakness or failure by their communities and families.
Additionally, when people talk about certain topics, such as infidelity or domestic abuse, they often feel judged, embarrassed, or criticized instead of being given the support they need - making it even harder for them to confront these difficult subjects.
As such, African couples need to try and overcome the shame and stigma associated with marriage breakdown so that they can have honest conversations about their issues in order to stop them from escalating further.
Quit mixing traditional and religious values; this never works, i.e., polygamy and Christianity
Although marriage is a union, it can be difficult to reconcile two different sets of values and beliefs. When it comes to combining traditional and religious values - such as polygamy and Christianity - this can create confusion for individuals looking to form strong unions.
This is because these two distinct philosophies do not always align in terms of what is accepted or rejected within society. As such, it can be beneficial for couples to take time apart to reflect on the path they want to pursue when making decisions about their relationship.
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Grow up and mature before marriage
Couples need to be mature when it comes to marriage. This means understanding the meaning of commitment and responsibility and being aware of one's self and desires in a partner. This includes having realistic expectations about life together and accepting that there may be obstacles ahead. Taking time to reflect on these matters can help individuals determine whether or not they are truly ready for marriage - something that will benefit both parties involved.
Conclusion
The solutions offered here are just suggestions and by no means should be seen as the only way to strengthen African marriages.
Ultimately, it is up to each individual couple to find what works best for them in order to create a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
-Heather Chesiyna, MSW, is an Award Winning Kenyan American Author and Blogger based in Washington, D.C. You can find her via her primary blog www.madeofstill.com
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