How to talk to your kids about death

Talking to kids about death will give them some peace of mind and make them aware of their own inevitable mortality (Photo: Shutterstock)

Death is a dreaded topic that almost everyone avoids. For adults, it’s a scary and mysterious world of uncertainty that we’d rather not think about. Inasmuch as you can choose to block out death and everything related to it, once you get kids, there will come a time when you’ll have to talk to them about it, regardless of how disheartening it is.

While you might opt to let your kids learn about death from other sources, it can be more damaging for them since outside sources like the TV often depict death in a grotesque way. This could make them live their whole lives afraid of scenarios that will never happen to them. When they hear about death from you, you are better placed to help them have a better view of death. They will also how to deal with loss should they lose a friend or a pet they loved.

Also, remember that children can be very curious and have many questions. Discussing death with them will help to give them some peace of mind and make them aware of their own inevitable mortality. 

i. Prepare for questions

Talking to your kids about death will be difficult because you will never have all the answers. But it’s important to do all you can to explain what it’s all about to them. Find the appropriate words you’ll use and how you’ll explain it to them in a way they’ll understand. You might be caught off guard by some of their questions but you can generally gauge the kind of questions they’ll ask.

ii. Take it one step at a time

Don’t give them with all the information at once. They might not be able to process it all at once and they’ll end up being more fearful of what they’ve just heard. Give information and answer questions as per their level of understanding. Younger kids will need fewer details and simpler answers than older children. As time goes and they get older and more curious tell them more. 

iii. Be honest with them

Children watch cartoons and they’ve probably come across one or two episodes that revolve around death. Some of those characters simply die and come back to life and that might shape how they perceive death. They need to understand what death means in the real world so that they have realistic expectations. Be as direct as possible so that they don’t grow up with misconstrued perceptions. If they ask something you don’t have answers to, just tell them you don’t know instead of giving them false hope.

Give them little doses of information at a time (Photo: Shutterstock)

iv. Talk to them about coping with death

Children need to know the emotions they might experience after losing someone. This will help they know what to expect if they ever lose someone they cared about. The usual emotions are deep sadness and sometimes anger. Talk to them about different stages of grief and that people experience each stage differently. Some people start off feeling numb and angry while others are overwhelmed by sadness. They’ll understand that there’s no standard way of grieving since we’re all unique.

v. Talk about religion/traditions

There are certain protocols followed at funerals depending on religious and cultural beliefs. If there are any taboos as far as your traditions are concerned, give them a heads up so that they don’t get confused if they ever attend a funeral. Your kids will also understand that other cultures have different traditions. If you’re religious, tell them what it says about death. It’ll give them some answers and equip them to better  cope with the reality of death.

Compose yourself before talking to them about it to overcome the anxiety you might be feeling. It’s understandably a difficult topic even for the toughest people but it needs to be discussed nonetheless.