If you are not ready to be patient, marriage will frustrate you

1. Communication requires listening and listening requires you to be patient. You have two ears and one mouth because you need to do more listening than speaking.

2. You will ask your spouse for an opinion or thoughts about something and your spouse asks you for time to think about it, you have to be patient.

3. Your spouse will not be perfect. When you bring to your spouse's attention where he/she needs to change or improve, be patient with your spouse as this will require a lot of learning and unlearning.

4. There are things you will need to teach your spouse such as how to love you the way you like, how to feed the baby, how to drive, how to balance finances, how to handle your friends; your spouse will not get things right every time especially at the beginning. Teaching requires patience.

5. There are times you will be horny but your spouse will not be. Don't just pounce on your spouse and expect instant sex then get frustrated when your spouse doesn't respond. You have to patiently prepare your spouse to the mood and not rush it. Intimacy takes time.

6. There are moments when your spouse will be going through something and you want him/her to open up to you but sometimes your spouse will not be ready. Give your spouse time instead of ambushing him/her to talk. Sometimes your spouse will need to process his/her emotions before engaging you. You are not being ignored or pushed away. Relax.

7. There are times when your spouse will be busy working when you want to chat or talk. Please understand when your spouse takes long to reply to your messages, doesn't pick up your calls or doesn't give you full attention at the time. Don't throw a tantrum, eventually your spouse will be all yours.

8. There are times when you and your spouse will have an argument, voices will be raised and tempers flare and you will want to keep on shouting to resolve the issues but your spouse will opt to keep calm and silent for some time till things cool down and you talk with regulated emotions. Be patient, your spouse is wise.

9. There are moments when you and your spouse will hurt each other and even though you forgive each other or go for counselling, the wound will still be fresh. Be patient, gradually things will improve. Healing takes time.

10. Raising a child/children requires patience. You have to accept that the young ones have not reached your level of maturity or comprehension. Do not give up on them. Mentorship and nurturing is like growing a tree, it needs patience and love.

11. There are moments when you two will not be right with each other and you will feel like quitting. In those moments, just be still and allow love to bring about a miracle. Soon you two will be laughing and wondering how foolish you were to consider ending things.

12. There are times when you will pray to God for a breakthrough in your marriage. Be patient, sometimes God doesn't answer prayers instantly. God is more important about the process than the end results because the process determines the quality and staying power of the end result. Processes take time. God heard you, don't micro-manage God.

Be patient because you too will need your spouse to be patient with you.

Love is patient.

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

In my book, MANHOOD SERIES, I demistify what being a man is and I address the man's sexuality, emotions, thoughts and struggles.

In my other book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk how a woman can be the best her as an individual, a wife, a mother, a friend and as a believer in God. I also address her sexuality.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.