WATU WA OCHA: 5 things you should always do whenever you visit a city dweller

Not now. In addition to cramming mathematical formulae that you won’t apply anywhere, you have to contend with job seeking. It’s frowned upon to be in the village when you have that degree most covet. For that matter, people keep streaming into your hell hole in the city attending interviews and whatnot. Some, for morbid curiosity.

In this civilized world, it’s prudent to have a few rules to those who intend to visit. It goes a long way enhancing your visitor’s stay, as well as yours.

Bring your own charger

As a visitor never take this important gadget for granted. You don’t know what phone your host may be using. It could be ‘ile ya pin ndogo’. Do not be fooled by the fact that your host is ever online on WhatsApp every time you check in, that it is a smartphone he or she is using. Better yet, some of these phones have the lifespan of an orgasm. Don’t be an inconvenience.

Inform your host of your special dietary/medical needs

There many things that can go wrong when you consume foods that you normally don’t ingest. In case of such a scenario, it is critical that you inform your prospective host so that he or she can send you the budget (it varies from hood to hood) to make your stay a little livelier. Otherwise, you may find out that your host, although many will go out of their way to prove otherwise, depend on KDF for all their nutritional needs.

Don’t outshine your master

Once you get there, don’t sneer at the sheer lack of organization in your host’s house. Don’t comment on the pungent smell that emanates from secret places. Do not be a hygiene Nazi. If he or she doesn’t spread his bed, please do not make an attempt to. If he or she sleeps up to ten in the morning, sleep up to 10.01 am. And most importantly don’t complain, complement your host. It goes a long way.

Note that you alone are welcome

It is extremely rude to bring along a friend, or a romantic partner. You didn’t come all the way from your village to engage in bedroom conquests, did you? Find a lodging or a dark alley if you can’t afford one. As a visitor, you have no right to have to invite another visitor. That is expressly written in the constitution.

Don’t overstay

Finish your business, and leave the following day. It does no harm if you follow this principle. Even though your host may act like he wants you around a little longer, he keeps wondering when he can fart carelessly like he used. It is egregious to overstay. You may overstretch your host’s budget, and the sad part is that he may not complain because he is aware that you are a messenger to villagers that want to hear so badly about how life is torturing you in the city, just to feel better about themselves.