Being a shosho-light (sorry I meant socialite), is a new low or high of our time. A quick scan on social media reveals that many young women want nothing but to be socialites. It's a billion dollar affair after all. All you need to succeed are nudes, a perfect body, and imperfect mind. It's for this reason that I have all aspiring socialite’s covered. With these 10 laws, I hope they will all be successful socialites of our time.
1. Court attention at all time.
Attention seeking should be a full-time job for all aspiring socialites. How best to get attention than to unleash nudes? I can exclusively say that a socialite is a nobody without nudes. Promise your fans more steamy (whatever that means) nudes. Sex videos are highly recommended. Even before people can recover from your nudes, splash a sex tape. Then pretend that you don't know how it leaked.
2. Invent Enemies.
Enemies are very important. They create a bigger than life image of you. You can't afford to be in good terms with everybody. Start as many catfights as possible on Instagram. Have a verbal exchange then screenshot for all to see. Better still, have a public spat with your ex. If people talk about how many enemies you have, you are going places dear socialite. Then say you don't care about what haters say.
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3. Be courted by many but commit to none.
Let the list of your lovers be as long as the list of all corrupt leaders. Take a million photos en route to South Africa, Nigeria and overseas to see your many lovers. In case one of them wants to marry you, don't accept. It’s not good that a socialite should be married. Break hearts, engagements and any remote possibility of being tied down. This will keep you floating and available to all the men who desire you.
4. Play with people's fantasies.
Many people fantasize about a life of riches and bliss. Ensure you let people know about the price of what you eat, wear, drive and how big your house is. Take photos to serve as evidence, to all doubting Thomases. Splash your expensive weave, perfect body but imperfect mind to all and sundry. Even if one of your many sponsors dumps you, refuses to bankroll your lifestyle or has other women, never cry about it. Smile and smile. Tell the gossip writers that you dumped him without second thoughts.
5. Avoid unhappy and unlucky girlfriends.
Don't associate yourself with miserable girlfriends. The kinds that are severely affected by poverty. Who will always borrow your expensive clothes, weaves, money and even attempt to steal one among your many sponsors. They may infect you with their pathetic lives. Your friends should be happy and lucky like you (as you imagine you are).
6. Recreate Yourself.
Never accept yourself as you are. Create a new identity for yourself. I mean, bleach your skin, go for plastic surgery and twang as much as you can. By doing this, you will be criticized and condemned. But that's what you need: a new you. Let people be amazed by your new self.
7. Play on people's needs to create a cult-like following.
Pretend that you are very hardworking, independent and call yourself the boss lady. Always remember to post messages about empowerment and hard work. If your Instagram and Facebook followers do not hit the sky, repeat the suggested procedure. Compete with fellow socialites who are real or imagined enemies over followers.
8. Disdain and ignore what you can't have.
If you can't afford a car like the one owned by one of your socialite friends, hate her. You can leak a screenshot to the effect that the car is not hers or she is having a spat with a sponsor. Disdain and ignore things like marriage. Say there's no man who can maintain your posh lifestyle. By doing this, it will be assumed that you are in control.
9. Make your beauty and accomplishment seem effortless.
Your rigorous beauty sessions should seem effortless. Never say the amount you have spent on slimming pills, how you have starved and even suffer from ulcers or bulimia. Smile and take many nude photos. All the accomplishment in your career (if you are among the few who have careers) should seem natural. Don't say you struggled or the sponsor helped you out.
10. Don’t go past the mark you aimed.
Set out your socialite goals. They may include: Swindling 10 sponsors, getting a white/pink range rover from a sponsor, getting a sponsor with many wives to be a husband among other things. Once you have accomplished all this plus getting all the attention you want, stop. Going past your mark will imply you are desperate.
