By SOPHIA BARAKA

I want to fall in love with a man whose mother likes me. That is the man I will marry. If his mother hates me, I will drop him like hot charcoal. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in misery.

Any woman who has been wasting her time thinking she can pit her husband or boyfriend against his mother is in for a rude shock. A man’s love for his mother is irreplaceable and no woman can rival her husband’s love for his mother. At least that is what polls in Obama-land, say.

Many women believe their men can love them more than they love their mothers, but this is absolute nonsense. It is a wild dream and a myth best left in fairyland.

The 60 minutes Vanity Fair poll for the September 2013 edition reports that an overwhelming number of American men think women should avoid trying to duplicate their (men’s) mothers.

The magazine quotes, “We don’t want women to fix our cars, smoke or love movie like Fatal Attraction. They say such movies make them strive to play male roles by attempting to fix mechanical stuff, highly intellectual, too pretty or beautiful enough to attract every man that comes their way. Men do not want their women to watch Twilight either. Men believe that, Twilight and related romance flicks, keep women away from the stark reality of marriage and plants in them false romantic expectations.

According to two other polls, Americans love bold, experienced and smart women over sweet and pretty ones. The report reveals that men say they would not trade their mothers for a “perfect woman”.

The most important quality Americans are looking for in a woman is that she should be a good mother.

The poll, however, does not state or suggest what happens when a woman has car trouble.

Other results also reveal that most men would actually leave their religion to have the perfect woman. And again, 63 per cent of men agreed that a good woman is hard to find.

Back home among the mijikenda, the worst thing a woman can do is to abuse a man’s mother. One does not even need to describe the insult. All a woman needs to scream at a man is, mamako (your mother), during an altercation, and hell will break loose. The man will not only beat you up, but he will also never forgive you. And he is allowed to report you to his parents and reclaim his dowry.

Men will rarely call their mother “mwanamke”(woman), but they do that to their wives. Grandpa Musenangu never called my grandmother by her name. There was no romance. Her role was clear — to be a good mother. He called her we mwanamke (woman).

Why is a good woman so hard to find?