Dealing with a domineering partner

While some married couples enjoy a balanced relationship, others have spouses that are heavy-handed, writes HANNINGTON MUMO

Every person is often happy on settling down with a partner they fell in love with. However, all hell breaks loose when the newfound love turns out to be domineering. This behaviour is quite common with men. If you have such a partner who pushes you around or is overbearing, read on and know how to deal with him.

1. Do not reward his authoritarian behavior

It is a rule of behavioural psychology that unrewarded behaviours do not continue. This is the fundamental rule that you are going to have to make use of. The same rule holds that unrewarded behaviours do not continue.

If you keep on yielding to his dictatorial orders, then you are simply encouraging his behaviour to continue. You should remind yourself of this fact as many times as possible when dealing with a domineering partner.

2. Retain your composure

You should fight as much as you can to retain your composure when dealing with a heavy-handed partner. This is often easier said than done, but there are a number of techniques that are going to help you attain it. One technique is counting up to ten with your eyes closed while silently saying that all tirades must end.

3. Calmly say no

Wait until your partner makes a demand and then calmly say “No”. When he persists, look at him straight in the eyes and then say it again.

Remember that you must not offer any explanation. If he turns out to be indefatigably persistent, remember the foregoing tip and remain calm. You must not yell back. Simply tell him, “I will not respond to bullying”, and then carry on with what you were doing.

4. Never give in

You must not give in. Remember that if you give in to threats and barking, you will have to do it again and again. If he continues to be violent in a way that you consider dangerous, leave and call the police. If he tries to persuasively bargain with you, tell him that you said no.

Let him know that no amount of persuasion will make your stance change. Do not let it become a matter of discussion. You have made your decision and you have to stick by it.

5. Reward him later

Keep in mind what your partner wanted. After some time, when he has ceased being bossy, reward him with what he wanted if it is not unpleasant for you.

You must not reward him with something that is unpleasant or compromises your dignity. Note that even if what your partner wanted is something that you would have also desired, you should not do it if he behaved badly. This is one way of getting them habituated to that particular misbehaviour.

6. Avoid being domineering in revenge

It is easy to turn domineering in return when your partner is.

You should try as much as possible to reign in on your emotions so that you do not get dominant in revenge.

Be assertive, but try as much as you can to control your emotions. Endeavour to be both courteous and considerate. Remember that the best way to teach is to do it by example. You should, therefore, try as much as you can to be a model of humility to your partner.

Remember that if you are bossy as well, you are going to give him an excuse of doing all he wants. Being humble and kind will also get your partner deeply thinking.

It will make him know that you are not rude by refusing to be dominated and bullied. You will make him know that you do it out of kindness and self-dignity.

7. Be supportive

The overall aim of a domineering person is to assert over others the control they do not have over themselves. It is a behavioural complex.

You should, therefore, try to assist your partner.

You should be supportive.?Make sure you draft your plans and stick to them.

Let your partner be part of your plans, but do not let him compromise them. You should also encourage him make his own plans. If he becomes too domineering in the process, go back to step one and try to save the situation.