Seeing through the prism of mental disability

With loving parents, children with mental disability have double chances of picking up fast, writes GARDY CHACHA

Mental disability in most cases is a lifelong condition. To many parents, having a mentally handicapped child is an agonising experience. The pressures of culture, beliefs, taboos and the sheer fright of giving birth to a mentally handicapped child might cause parents to mishandle these angels with special needs.

It is, therefore, proper to handle and treat them with dignity and special care so that they may live a fulfilling life, standing the same chance to prosper and sufficiently be happy like normal children.

Special care and attention are essential for a mentally retarded child to cope with people around them. More so, they need it from those they see every day, those who ought to understand them, those who bore and brought them to this world: Parents.

No one other than parents can make significant changes in the lives of children with mental disability.

King’ori Samuel, a teacher at City Primary School, which has a section for mentally handicapped children, says a lot of time is needed to care for such children since most of them require unique handling depending on the extent of their disability and their level of awareness of their environments.

“They are children like other sand it’s unfortunate that society treats them with contempt,” he laments.

He advises parents with a children suffering from intellectual disability to take them to special schools where they can get assistance and also get information on dealing with such conditions.

Unfortunately most parents expect instant progress; thinking or wishing that once taken to school, their children would become normal. According to King’ori, this is living in denial: They need to fully align their thoughts towards helping these children for a lifetime.

A child with mental disability learns by being corrected instantly, King’ori says, because if time is let to pass they are not able to retract back their thoughts to what they did wrong.

Mental retardation is a developmental disability that may appear from birth or shows as a child grows up. The term ‘mental retardation’ is often misunderstood and seen as derogatory. People often think that a retarded person is unable to learn and care for him or herself.

Children affected function at a below average intellectual level and as a result, have difficulties with learning and daily living skills. However, most of these children can learn a great deal and, as adults, can lead at least partially independent lives.

Delilah Muthoni from Nakuru had a hard time accepting that her child had been born with a mental condition and would not experience a normal life. Her husband and his family blamed her for sneaking ‘wrong’ genes into the family’s gene pool, which aggravated her pain even more. Sadly, it led to them ending their union, but she put a brave face and moved on.

“I realised my daughter deserved to have a strong mother so as to have a relatively normal life and so I took her to a school for children with special needs.

Normal Life

“It’s challenging, but not hard. She is my blood and we have a way we communicate and understand each other. I talk to her teachers and doctors who advise me on how to go about handling her. In fact, I’m preparing for her adolescent years so that she can have a normal life like any other girl child,” she says.

Like Delilah, Reuben Kiraga and his wife Lily Kiraga went through a period denial, refusing to accept that their child was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome six months after his birth. It took them several months to come to terms with reality. When they finally accepted, they resolved to work hard together to give their son the best in life so he could realise his full potential and live a more fulfilling and independent life.

“We are his parents and we’re with him every step of the way,” he says.

Not being able to communicate with him since he lacks proper speech is the most difficult bit of this situation. It is, therefore, tricky knowing what he wants at times, says Reuben. However, it has been a learning experience for them and they understand their son better now than they did back then.

Parents who are hiding their child because of their disability, Reuben says, are doing them injustice, and in the process, denying both themselves and the child a chance to experience the beauty of life that God designed.

Life skills

Dr Frank Njenga, a renowned psychiatrist, says children with mental retardation need to be first evaluated and assessed to know exactly what is required for them. This is because for you to give them a normal life, you have to design tailor-made strategies on how to go about it. From that point onwards they can be given knowledge on life skills and live relatively normal lives. 

Damaris Mwaniki heads an Autism section in a local school and has interacted with these children to a great extent.

“Allow a child with mental retardation to stay in the family and take part in community life to learn to pick him or herself up,” she advises.

Damaris also offers that parents can — with the help of a professional — prepare training methods for their handicapped child to give them a rich life. Through learning from professionals, they can understand best the kind of nutrition suited for these children whose emotions and lifestyles are entwined with their outward expressions.

In the presence of loving parents, such children have doubled chances of picking up fast. So they should never feel neglected or avoided in their family. Let them be part of family occasions and be in touch with the outer world; take them for a walk, shopping and also vacations. Teach siblings to see the retarded child as their own brother or sister.

Never get ashamed of having a retarded child. Give them extra love, care and concern as they deserve to be given an equal chance to live life to the fullest.