Beware the wounded lion

Milly G

They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. What they don’t say is that while a jilted woman burns like a flame that eventually dies down, a spurned man irritates more, and longer, just like tear gas straight from hell. He will be hissing long after you have told him ‘No’ and will find any reason to get back at you and to make it look like you were not all that, after all.

What is it about the ‘E word’ that makes men take rejection so personally? Yeah, we’ve heard it, men’s egos are fragile and men need more encouragement than they need criticism… and we should always give them a soft landing even when we are yanking them from their high horses… and never make them feel like they are not good enough…and…yadda.

Come on, the same guys who tackle each other in bloody sports like wrestling and boxing, curiously, are not so strong on the inside, and we have to handle them with kiddy gloves? If you are an adult, get used to the sound of the slamming door.

When one closes, laugh, cry, joke all you want, but for Pete’s sake, move on with life and stop trying to prove a point.

Here’s how men get it wrong. He calls severally and texts incessantly for months before accepting the fact that your sights are not set on him.

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You pick some of his calls, alright. You even text back and write harmless stuff. But you never initiate anything, which means you do not reciprocate his love and attention. When he says "I like you’ you reply with " Yes, you are a good friend". Now, for a girl, that right there is a red flag. It signals you to run, and to stop over investing your emotions into a guy.

Desperate Man

We don’t like being tolerated; we are either loved and wanted or not there at all. Not so the men. It’s funny how when married, they are quick to call the women nags, when all they did before marriage was wear the women down with unsolicited attention.

But the persistent man is easy to deal with, until he turns into a stalker. Suddenly, you are bumping into him in your favourite spots— he’s hanging out at your local coffee shop, joining the church choir just to be around you, ‘bumping’ into you at your office while he is coming from bonding with your workmate, fraternizing with your cousin and clubbing at you and your girlfriends’ favourite joint.

This one comes off as a desperate stalker, and that is a very unattractive quality in a man. All it does is push you further away. Somehow we want the men we turn away to bite the bullet, not turn into some spineless mess in our hands. It’s the man who keeps off, and goes on to have a successful, happy life that gets us thinking "What was I thinking letting that go?" there’s no better revenge for a spurned man than to meet the would-have-been girlfriend on the streets while he is hand-in-hand with some woman who looks like a million shillings.

And nothing causes a girl to rethink her move than a wedding invitation card from the man she let go.

Finally, the most annoying and dangerous of all jilted lovers is the one who carries a chip on his shoulder. He is malicious and vengeful, and will do the absurd, just to put you in your place.

He’s the kind that approaches your subsequent boyfriends with a cabinet full of skeletons from your past and does not rest until your relationship is messed up. All the while, he is monitoring the downfall so he can strike at the weakest moment.

He throws darts at you, while putting stabs in your back. He tells your boyfriend that you are a user, that you will take his money and run, or rolls out the list of fame with all the men you had in college, or scares him with tales of the rumour about your abortion that did rounds in the estate.

Before you know it, your new catch has believed the lies, been scared out of his wits and disengaged. Just what your spurned lover wanted!