Why married women are choosing to retain their maiden names

By Kiundu Waweru

The wedding is finally here. The congregation waits eagerly for the bride. Then she arrives, arm in arm with her father. Waiting at the front, an anxious groom gets up to receive his bride.

Judy Thongori: Whether or not a woman adopts her husband’s is determined by the couple’s preference.

Wairimu hates the idea of having two faces. "I am my own person, in many parts; a mother, wife, somebody’s daughter and a career woman. A wife is only one part of who I am and that should not solely define me", she says. "While taking a course in social work at the University of Nairobi, I learnt that a mans title, ‘Mr’ remained constant while ‘miss’ meant missing something, ‘Mrs’ means that you are mister’s. In other words, you belong to a Mr — the revelation was not pleasant".

But Wairimu is quick to add that she is not a feminist. "Failing to adopt my husband’s name does not mean that I demean or belittle him. He understands me and calls me by my second name. After all, what’s in a name?"

She believes that a name does not change a person. She explains: "A woman has an inherent maternal instinct, hence she will automatically nurture her family. She doesn’t need a change of name to do that".

Degrading practice

For Clara Mutie, a single college student, adopting your husband’s name is degrading and emotionally draining. "Since my high school days, people have always addressed me by my father’s name. So how do I change my name when I get married? Changing names is an old fashioned culture designed to suppress women", says Clara.

But Alice Ndegwa, married for two years, refutes Clara’s views. She says that women like to feel attached to someone who is strong and who can protect them. She adds that society rewards the married and what better way to prove you are married than adopting your husband’s name? Says she: "There are several benefits of this. When applying for jobs, for instance, married people are seen to be more responsible and therefore, stand a better chance of getting the jobs".

Samuel Mureithi had a church wedding two years ago. His wife, Faith, did not adopt his name. "It is unnecessary. It won’t give me any more thrill if she is addressed as Mrs Mureithi. In fact, no one would recognise her as ‘Mrs Mureithi’ because my friends and colleagues know me by my surname, Mbogo".

Anthropologist’s view

On the other side of the coin is anthropologist John Ng’ang’a, who has been married for three years. He explains that traditional values are the core of culture and that they hold a people together.

As you move outward from the core, you find people living in the fringes, people willing to challenge customs. He warns "those at the periphery are a confused lot who are constantly in conflict with themselves. They adopt other cultures, forgetting their roots".

Ng’ang’a says it is neither right nor wrong for a woman to adopt the husband’s name. "As a man, you don’t feel like you own her if she does, and you neither lose nor gain anything. But, if a woman gets married and does not adopt the husband’s name, most likely she has some psychosocial problems," he concludes.

But Ken Ouko, a Sociologist and a lecturer at the University of Nairobi, refutes this. He says that marriage has been cheekily defined as the concerted effort invested by men in the pursuit, acquisition and retention of exclusive sexual access to one woman (or more).

Ouko notes: "Thus, the tradition of women changing surnames after they are married was actually the idea of a male dominated society, and it symbolised ownership".

He says the idea of changing names originated from the nobility of the identity that couples share out of conjugal love and marital affection.

"But culture also has a hand in this — it was meant to mark the marital status of a woman and free her from availability. Her new name would also earn her societal respect," says Ouko.

He cites legal reasons for changing names saying that it is a safety valve against husbands who may be tempted to disown their spouses in future. But Judy Thongori, a family lawyer, says changing names is not a legal but a cultural requirement.

"Culture dictates that married women adopt their husbands’ name. Names identify people but they do not make the person. Whether or not a woman adopts her husband’s is determined by the couple’s preference".

Absurd law

Thongori says many women opt to retain their names due to the inconveniences occasioned by changing a name in Kenya. She explains: "There is an absurd legal requirement that stipulates that, if a woman wants to change her name at the Registrar’s office, she should be accompanied by the husband, even if she has a valid marriage certificate, because the man must acknowledge that she is indeed his wife".

Thongori adds that most women are opting to keep their full names, hyphenating it with that of the husband.

Pastor Andrew Oyolla of Redeemed Gospel church gives the Christian angle to this controversial debate. He says that because the church recognises man as the head of the family, a Christian woman is expected to change her name.

He clarifies: "This, however, does not mean that the woman is subservient. The Bible says that the woman should submit to her husband but also asks men to be considerate to their wives."

He acknowledges that the modern woman is inclined to not adopting the husband’s name due to dwindling trust. "Most women’s fear of adopting the husbands’ names is, in fact, the fear of a future break up.

One religion that does not practice this culture is the Islam, where women retain their maiden names. Sheikh Juma Amir of the Jamia Mosque says: "The woman is not a slave that she should lose her identity to her husband. The Koran states that the husband and wife are equal partners".