A woman and her money

By Milly G

"What comes to your mind when you think about money? For many women, money is not just a means to living a comfortable life. They do not associate with it hard work, reward, comfort, fulfillment and convenience. It is loaded with secret associations, haunting memories, ferocious ambitions and deep-seated aggression. Many women will do anything for money, even if that involves losing their dignity and their minds.

I hardly take the counselling role in my column. I leave unsolicited advice to relationship experts and motivational speakers. But we owe it to our younger generation of women to tell the truth. So I will try and pull apart the strings of intrigue, fear, guilt and manipulation that have gone into forming our view on money. Here are some, usually secret, bad attitudes women have about money.

A man must pay my bills

It’s okay to have a man pull you out of a rut once in a while, but the secret desire to be supported by a man is there in all women, because that is how we were socialised. We saw our mums receive pocket money from dads just like us. Some of us had stay-at-home mums whose husbands derided for bringing nothing to the family kitty. And as soon as we hit teenage – and our blouses bulge – there are many men willing to shoulder our financial burdens in exchange for a relationship.

So our minds are soppy with romantic expectations of men, never mind that we went to the same schools, worked in the same jobs and earned the same amount. With the men as a crutch, we can never be self-reliant.

My money is mine, his money is ours

Most women espouse the belief that their money is for manicures and pedicures and chamas, while their husbands money should buy food, clothes, and property for everyone in the family. So we keep our income secret and we stash some cash in arcane accounts. We support our siblings secretly while expecting him to support both extended families. We grumble while carrying out joint activities and expect to be taken on fully-paid holidays. Mention going Dutch, and we hit the roof. This attitude makes men disrespect us because we do not add value to them economically. It also makes them mistreat us because they usually will have more money. While we duck responsibility and challenge, we get comfortable with little.

A man without money is not a man

This is the attitude that drives many eligible young men into the hands of sugar mummies. The expectations of single girls are just too much. They want men their age to be way ahead of them, which is not realistic. And if a woman makes some little money, she will not as much as give an ear to a guy making less. Your man is your friend, your partner. Your soulmate. Not the Central Bank. And the only truly rich man is the one whose money is wet with sweat.

Rich women cannot be in relationships

Men fear rich women, but it is like the seed and the tree situation. Which comes first? Are men so insecure that they fear rich women or are rich women so arrogant that men fear them?

I think parents have some blame to shoulder in this. They want their successful daughters marrying successful guys, which is okay. What is wrong is how we determine success — what car he drives, where he lives and what designer he wears. At the end of the day a hardworking guy from a poor family has a snowball’s chance in hell of marrying a rich girl.

Financial security? Sounds like maximum security

Mention saving to some women and they point at Jesus crucified. Many of us are spenders and we like to shop. However, we do not make all the money we spend. So we look for supplementary sources and these could be anything from older rich men to clandestine Automated Teller Men (ATMs)

Other women think that making big bucks is for the men only. So they don’t think about investing their money or growing it. They live way beyond their means and are devastated when the man leaves. Suddenly they are jolted out of the kitchen-only budget into a more demanding one and they are in up to their necks. What slander to the emancipation of women.