Long live king Zuma, a man for all the seasons

Peter Kimani"The revolution shall not be televised," says one clichÈd expression negating the notion that mainstream media have their hand on the pulse of the nation.But I have been watching TV in the past 24 hours deliver the stuff that revolutions are made of, somewhere in South Africa, where a new President has been elected.The other night, I saw Desmond Tutu on TV, whom Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe (while sucking air through the teeth) "that little bishop," looking rather miffed at the prospect of Jacob Zuma presidency.Croaky feeling"Is this what were detained for, went to exile for, swallowed tear-gas for…" Tutu said in a voice croaky with feeling.It breaks my heart to hear such Afro-pessimism from men and women who should know. After all, democracy is about choice and the people of South Africa have spoken. And they have chosen well – picking a man of the people for the highest office in their land.Given the merriment of the moment, and in keeping with his colourful style I can visualise Zuma somersaulting to the venue, humming some tune while gyrating in tandem with other dancers.This is so refreshing for all of us, accustomed to the staid, solemn dignified silence that our leaders keep at the sight of traditional dancers.And if some people, as our Prezzo famously did recently, get into very foul moods at the least hint that they have more than one wife, Zuma finds the African sensibility on polygamy more appealing, and keeps a small harem for himself.At the last count, he had four potential first ladies, and for that reason, I propose he engages them to State duties on rotation for a tentative period of six months…The other reason I am excited about Zuma presidency is that he has personally helped fight HIV and Aids stigma. When he confessed to having had unprotected sex with a young woman infected with the virus, people sneered at his folly when he said he had taken a cold shower immediately to wash the virus away.Yet all Zuma did was to humanise the scourge so that those infected can be more accepted.It is his buoyant spirit, boundless energy and love for dance that makes Zuma the true Renaissance man who shall make the continent and its people proud.Deprived childhoodIndeed, Zuma is the man for all seasons, and will no doubt disprove the sceptics who have no confidence in Africa’s past as a solid base for its future.And having overcome a deprived childhood, Zuma, as Chinua Achebe puts it, washed his hands to eat with elders, itself an abiding testament that with self-belief, one can achieve anything.What better motivation does one need for the young?Illusion of power to serveThe circus is on at Parliament’s newly inaugurated third season. The large cast of 220 appeared for dress rehearsal on Tuesday, before staging matinees on Wednesday and yesterday.The show, titled Leader of Government, featured seasoned actors such as James Orengo, a gifted artist best known for the 1991 musical, Kamukunji, which mimicked a cat and mouse chase.Imenti Central MP Gitobu Imanyara is another seasoned actor who gave a good account of himself, an addition feather to his cap.Gitobu, who last featured in Mama Lucy’s House, demonstrated his growing stature as a comedian in the literary scene.Gitobu became a household name in the play, Nairobi Every Month – an adaptation of Baba Otonglo’s Nairobi Lunchtime.The latter has clear Beckett allusions and is a darkly allegory of a beggar and a rich man. But the man of the moment was Kiraitu Murungi, best known for Political Responsibility, a rendition of Anglo war chants. Kiraitu’s captivating performance in Leader of Government succinctly captured the absurdity of waiting for politicians to do anything at all, when all they were intent on was to pick their fat perks and fart away.The future is in the pastFormer Budalang’i MP Raphael Wanjala was home just before the floods started but instead of building dykes to save his people, he went about talking of his virility. Well, sort, of. For, when a man talks about his many wives, and even promises to "acquire" more in broad daylight, there is a problem. But, maybe not. Others, such as Lugari MP Cyrus Jirongo, felt sufficiently encouraged to reveal his number of wives. I don’t know why he didn’t reveal his worth.Yet, Wanjala is a very lucky man, as his experience with Joyce Akinyi confirms. No sooner had they hitched up than the two were nabbed and hurled to jail.This meant Wanjala did not have to spend a coin from his own pocket, which is godsend in these times youngsters are singing about the virtues of money.But now that the rains have come, Wanjala cannot devote his time to look for a fourth wife (he says his grandfather had five), unless of course he sees his future through the side-mirror.QuickReadOf air gone afoul and fishers of menThe culture of handouts, or picking what’s to be found easily persists, whether it is fish rolling out of a derailed delivery truck, as happened somewhere in Kisumu this week, or more dangerously, siphoning jet fuel from military choppers. The latter happened on Wednesday in Nyeri where Tinga had visited, and was captured on film. Was this the sabotage that someone intelligence chaps had in mind?Saluting the good Mwingi Samaritan I never had a chance to appreciate the assistance extended to The Standard crew in Mwingi, after we had our car stuck in the mud while reviewing the famine situation. But it’s never too late, I suppose, to salute a good man, like the gentleman who simply introduced himself as Charles. He almost single-handedly helped pull the car out of the mud without the expectation of receiving anything. A big thanks, Charles.Head of a different kind on the way?There are those little nasty words that mean very different things, especially when a letter or two slips off. As one scribe is wont to say, newspapers are so honest, we put our mistakes on the front page. In one such error, someone invented a new title for Head of Public Service. I think the letter "l" dropped off the word "Public" (I cannot bring myself to writing the misspelt word), occasioning serious blushes to all and sundry. Those seeking to expand the government might consider opening one such office, don’t you think?Time to separate wheat from chaffFinally, the endless bickering in Parliament over who should be leader of Government business is a confirmation that the legislators have no real desire to do anything but waste time. They should start by arguing about who was legally elected in and who was rigged. After all, the integrity of the entire process was in serious doubt. That could be a good beginning to ridding the 10th Parliament of the many busybodies.

Long live king Zuma, a man for all the seasons

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