15 facts about the tone of your voice and relationships

1. If you speak to your partner with a dull and flat tone but speak to another person of the opposite gender with a warm and suggestive tone then your partner will start to feel jealous or think something fishy is going on.

2. You might be saying something good but ruin it with the wrong tone. It is not just about what you say but how you say it.

3. When you react with a judgmental tone when your partner is confiding in you, your partner will start to keep things from you and share less sensitive matters.

4. When you react with a sarcastic tone when your partner shares with you his/her success or suggestion, your partner will stop making suggestions and not bother informing you of his/her progress.

5. When you correct your partner with an attacking tone, your partner will become defensive. But when you do so with a loving and respectful tone, your partner will accept correction easily.

6. When it comes to love making, your tone can either turn your spouse on or off.

7. When you speak to your children with a threatening and harsh tone even when you think you are disciplining, your child will begin to avoid your presence and keep things from you. A welcoming tone makes your child run to you, seeking your advice easily, and consuming your wisdom feeling understood. Many parents push their children away just by their tone.

8. If you speak with the tone of a dictator to get your spouse to do what you want either because you are the husband who is the head of the family or you are the wife who earns more than the husband then you are killing the warmth in your marriage. Once you lose the warmth it is difficult to get it back.

9. If your tone at home is cold then your spouse will not look forward to coming home to you.

10. The more you use the words "F*ck you", "Mother f*cker", "Sh*t", the harsher your tone becomes. Learn to make your speech well-seasoned, avoid curse words, stop emulating celebrities who get paid to look bad and your tone will be warmer.

11. People who shout and try to sound intimidating tend to think they have power but actually they come off as unstable, scared and struggling with issues. But those who speak with a peaceful and gentle tone come off as powerful and stable and have more power because they attract influence and admiration; not fear.

12. When you speak to your boss, most often you are mindful of your tone. Be mindful of your tone when you speak to your spouse and children for they are more important than your boss.

13. We pick tones from our surroundings. If you find your tone has become distasteful, rude and harsh, check the tone of your friends. If you find your child speaking with a negative tone, check your tone... Maybe your child is learning from you.

14. If you don't heal from your past pain then you will communicate hurt and pain through your tone thus becoming easily irritable, harsh and mean chasing people away, making you hurt even more.

15. The more you become considerate of your partner's feelings the more you will work on your tone delivery to communicate love.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men towards understanding themselves and help women to understand men. I talk about the man, his issues and his temper.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women towards understanding themselves and help men to understand women. I talk about the issues women struggle with and how to find emotional stability.

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To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.