Of office gossip, drama and hilarious prayer that lit the staff room

Chinua Achebe in his novel ‘Arrow of God’ talks of a neighbour who mourns more than the bereaved. At Meta Meta, there are many who mind other people’s business more than their own. As I entered the staffroom for the opening-day staff meeting, I found teachers in animated discussion.

Aeneas was pacing up and down the staff room, brandishing a poster with the message: ‘Implement court order immediately’. I approached, eager to hear the latest on the ongoing teachers’ strike.

I was, however, surprised to find that the discussion was about the holiday love scandal between Connie, a cook, and a man called Sam whom she had duped and he had fallen head over heels in love with her.

“I hear the man had come to propose in a limousine longer than Obama’s beast,” I heard Donatta saying. Upon striking a gold mine in Sam’s wallet, Connie’s wardrobe had radically changed. She was no longer interested in Donatta’s ‘Gikomba Camera’ collections, which she had been getting on credit. She began coming to work in outfits that made many female staff members uncomfortable.

Worse still, she had been heard talking about starting her own clothes boutique at the shopping centre. Donatta had taken this as an open challenge. “Serves her right,” commented Schola, “Such are the people who bring our noble profession into ridicule. How can someone who barely escaped with an E in KCSE lie that she is the deputy head teacher at our school so that she can con her way into a man’s heart and wallet?” posed Donatta.

“No wonder she changed her hair style every other week, yet some of us on TSC’s payroll stay with the same weave for months,” she continued.

The weave remark was probably aimed at Magarita who is never in a hurry to replace her weaves.

The scandal had been trending among members of staff even before the school opened. Some had even suggested that wa Makeri should refund Sam the expenses for the bouquet of flowers and the special lunch she had received by mistake. She was not amused.

Animated debate

“Do I look like I have been surviving on charity?” She posed on her Facebook page and uploaded a photo of her souped up Subaru. Thunder was of the opinion that Sam should sue for compensation since Connie had deliberately conned him. Vasco Da Gama pointed out that he had opened his wallet without coercion. “He has gained worthwhile experience, which will help him deal with women in future,” he philosophised.

The animated debate was put to an end by Okonkwo and wa Makeri’s arrival for the meeting. Magarita was asked to say the opening prayers. The spirit of the Lord was upon her and she spent an eternity on it. She started by praying that God’s hand of protection would be upon us, especially with the El Nino rain threats. She then launched an appeal over the teachers’ contested salary increment.

“Jehovah Jireh, just as you touched the hard heart of Pharaoh to release the children of Israel from captivity, touch the hearts of the Jubilee leaders to release teachers’ salaries. Release frogs on the Treasury and the TSC corridors and perform other wonders and miracles until the payments are made. Lord, let your voice whisper to both Uhuru and Ruto even in their sleep so that they may hear the cries of Kenyan teachers.” By the time she was through, there was a thunderous amen with laughter!