Envy will ruin your relationships, hamper your chances of success

A while ago, history was made after the publication of Kitty Kelly’s unauthorised biography of Nancy Reagan, the former USA First Lady. The book sold more than 950,000 copies in the first week of release. The author dug up all dirt and scandals to discredit the First Lady. The question is not whether it is true or not, rather, it is why would this number of people, in a week, buy a book full of negative comments on somebody?

Why is it that we enjoy reading such publications and feel better about ourselves when others are at fault? Even the people closest to you are always awaiting bad news about you. Why? It is because of envy. People are always ready to throw mud at successful people.

When you leave a mark during your lifetime, someone will try to erase it.

The Bible records that; where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every evil practice. Those who practice envy, murders, drunkenness and revelries will not inherit the kingdom of God. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, he gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting. They are filled with all unrighteousness, maliciousness, covetousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and evil-mindedness.

Envy is a feeling of displeasure caused by witnessing other people’s prosperity.

Envious people want something that belongs to others. It could be the emotion of a child throwing a temper tantrum when they see their sibling with something they want.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30) Envy is different from jealousy. Jealousy says I want what you have. Envy says I not only want what you have but I want you to lose what you have. It says that not only do I want your green grass but I want yours to dry up. Envy can manifest among siblings, at the workplace, among professionals, sometimes even among clerics.

How does envy ruin relationships? First, it causes conflict. “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires that war in your members?”  (James 4:1-2)

Second, it creates resentment. Envy causes bitterness. A person ends up resenting others because of their wealth, promotion, or success. Envy leads to gossip, theft, adultery, and murder.  “For we were once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.” Joseph’s brothers envied him to a point of selling him off to the Egyptian slave merchants.

Third, envy makes people miserable. “A sound heart is a life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30) Envy is to your soul what cancer is to the body. It torments, consumes, and grows bigger over time until you get so obsessed with your rivals to a point of depression.

Fourth, it robs one of contentment. The heart of envy is the belief that we deserve better than we have. One does not realise that they are the only ones who think they deserve it and therefore can do anything to get what they want; even if this means destroying friendships, jobs or families.

To eliminate envy from your life you need to not try to change your circumstances. If you are motivated by envy, you’ll burn out because there will always be someone richer, happier, or more educated than you. Do not try to change your feelings. You deal with envy not by forcing yourself not to feel envy, rather by changing your perspective of different life situations.

To overcome envy in relationships, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. The Bible advises us not to compare ourselves with those who commend themselves; because by measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves, they are not wise. It is foolish to compare yourself with others because we are different.

It is vital that we recognise our uniqueness. Envy is an expression of inferiority complex or low self-esteem. It makes one feel threatened by those who are more beautiful, charismatic, better educated, successful, better dressed, or have a higher social status.

Rejoice in what you have. Instead of focusing on what you do not have, be grateful for what you do have. When we envy other people, we project our problems onto them as though it is their fault.

Finally, respond to others in love. Why? Because, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up.” (1st Corinthians 13:4) Love is happy when others are blessed and want the best for them. Love is excited when others succeed - a wedding, job, promotion, birth of a child, or graduation from college.

Envy rejoices when others are oppressed and weeps when others are blessed. The Bible wants us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. God created us all unique, there is no need to compete.

 

— Bishop David Muriithi, Founder & OverseerHouse of Grace International Ministries