Most women never reach the big O, but are too scared of saying anything because they will kill your ego

I came across a weird exchange on Facebook the other day. A woman had complained about the inability of most men to help her achieve orgasms and a man commented that, “So, it is also now a man’s job to make a woman cum, what exactly do women do in bed anyway?” Oh, wow! Man, she’s literally providing the vessel for the activity, but you still don’t know what her job is? If that’s not some ignorance oozing thinking,then what is?

But I understand his position, that’s just men being men…shifting blame for things they don’t want to be responsible for. Listen up men, it is okay to admit you need help in matters sex. No one expects you to be perfect just because you were born with a penis. Remember, no one taught you anything about this 'game.' You probably woke up one day with an erection and with no adult to confide in or ask for advice, so you presented the stiff issue to your peers. That is where you learnt the lazy art of you-have-a-pole-they-have-a-hole so all you know is stuffing it in there! Any extra skills you learnt from pornography, which isn’t a realistic presentation of what women want.

I know that as women, we are blessed with all these resources. What with most teachings impacted on young women concentrating on how to please a man, how to be a good wife, how to do this or that... all for a man. I remember a few years back when I accompanied a new bride to meet a senga (traditional sex aunties) who taught her all there is to know about sex. It was very detailed. The aunty would even sit on her pelvic to judge the intensity of her grind!

But sadly, men have no one to teach them and their pride makes them feel they know everything. So that’s how many inexperienced men are released into our bedrooms, armed with their unreal porn expectations, smacking our booties like they are killing mosquitoes! And no, no one wants to be asked, “Who is your daddy?” during sex! We are Africans for Christ's sake! Mentioning our fathers only reminds us we forgot to send them cash for the chicken coop that's falling apart in ushago.

And can we kill the gospel of quantity over quality already! Do you know how much you sound like an idiot when you boast of the number of rounds you can go, when we all know all you deliver are probably whack strokes? Some men want to impress so much on quantity to the point where the penis gets tired and turns into a spongy mass, but they’d still stuff it in hoping for some miracle inside there. So, yes, you have done it seven times, but how good was it? Orgasms can be achieved by just the tip of a finger, so for most women, that lengthy exercise proves nothing.

Simply maximise the foreplay hours and let it be the main activity. One thing you must understand is that woman orgasm comes at a snail's pace, while men’s are cheetahs. During sex, we are on a race, where are expected to get to the finish line at the same time. But this is impossible most of the time, so why not carry the tortoise just near the finish line so that by the time the cheetah gets there, they can cross together? This way no one will be left behind. Taking care of her first is more fulfilling.   

Most women never reach the big O, but are too scared of saying anything because other than kill your ego, some of you go around mouthing very disrespectful things about the woman like, “We ni mtaro, that’s why you couldn’t feel a thing!” But see, sex is very simple if you just listen to what your partner’s body is communicating.

Always read the signs. The clitoris, just like a penis, becomes somewhat erect during arousal, the nipples threaten to burn holes in bras, and you won’t need lubes when the mood is right. Stop rubbing the clitoris like you intend to light a fire with that friction. Allow her show you the way without thinking of her as a sexual deviant. Again, if she just lays there all silent and motionless, umepotea njia! Scratch that and start over.

But if you still feel it is my responsibility as a woman to give myself orgasms, let’s sit on opposite ends and I’ll caress my bean as you use oil to milk your pole and see you on the other side! No way are you going to cook in my pot and let me sleep hungry!