Dealing with my daughter’s sleep disorders

By Nyambura Maina

My five-year-old daughter has regular nightmares and I’m thinking of moving her back to our bedroom. My husband says it’s a phase she’s going through and will soon grow out of it, but I feel I need to do something to cushion our daughter from this terror. We recently moved to a bigger house because we have two other children and I think this might have contributed to her distress. How can I help my daughter? It is becoming unbearable for me to hear her scream.

Victoria, Nakuru

It is a parent’s worst nightmare to see their child suffer. It becomes even more unbearable when there is little or nothing you can do to control this suffering. Your daughter’s sleep and your own is interrupted regularly because she gets nightmares and screams during the night. This can be unsettling for all occupants of the house. Having moved to a bigger home has brought changes in all your lives and you attribute this to your daughter’s distress. This change might be a contributing factor to her nightmares.

Young children between the ages of three and 12 typically suffer from sleep disorders. Sometimes they are afraid of the dark, other times they cannot sleep because ‘monsters’ are hiding under their beds. Parents go to great lengths to calm their fears — leaving the bedside lamp on, getting pets, giving medication that make the child drowsy, changing the child’s diet and setting an alarm to wake the child before dreamtime. These measures are taken in order to secure a restful night for all involved.

Sleep disorders of this kind can be categorised into two — nightmares and night terrors. Nightmares are scary dreams that occur during the stage of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, usually very late into the sleep period. A child suffering from nightmares will wake up and seek comfort from the parents or caregiver and will recall events in the dream. Night terrors on the other hand are scary dreams, which occur in non-REM sleep, usually earlier in the night, between 1am and 3am and a child will often sit up in bed and scream as well as sweat. At this point the child is not consciously awake and may appear to be unresponsive, as if in a trance. When the child awakes there is no recall of the dream.

It is difficult to ascertain what causes these sleep disorders, however, it has been suggested that major upheavals in a child’s life may be contributing factors. These episodes fade away by the time a child is a teenager. You can protect your child from getting hurt by making sure the bedroom is safe. Do not let her sleep on bunk beds or close to furniture that is sharp ended. Eliminate all sources of sleep disturbance and maintain consistency at bedtime and wakeup time routines. Consider consulting a good paediatrician who will be able to assist and advise you further.

Common counsel

Retrogressive move

Moving your daughter back into your bedroom is a wrong move. I think you are overreacting over this matter. You may think that you are helping your daughter but in actual fact you are holding her back from developing on her own. It is a new house and you should give her time to adjust to her new settings. You need to remain consistent. Children feel safe and secure when their routines are consistent.

Eva, 44

Incorporate routine

My little one had a rough time when he was four years old. He had just joined nursery and would wake up at night screaming and sweating. My attempts to comfort him were in vain as he was lost in his own world like a zombie. My hubby and I took him to see the doctor who prescribed some medicine. It helped for about three weeks and then the nightmares started again. I did not consult the doctor again and ceased giving my son medication. Instead, I chose to incorporate a daily ritual at bedtime that included a warm bath, reading stories and singing him lullabies. The nightmares gradually disappeared. Now he is eight years old and I still sing to him before he sleeps.

Nadia, 29

Mother knows best

Victoria, listen to your husband’s advice. Women believe that just because they bear children and breastfeed them that they automatically know what is right for the child. Men are equally adept at raising children and knowing what a child needs. This assumption of ‘mother knows best’ is what keeps many fathers excluded. Fathers get discouraged and would rather stay out of the way because their input is often ignored. You have a golden opportunity at hand to change things around in your home. Do not let it pass.

E Mwatate

Filter out negativity

It may seem tough to watch your child suffer and you are unable to do anything about it, but that’s just how it is in this case. You cannot control what a child dreams about and, therefore, feel helpless as a parent when your child gets nightmares. I would suggest you filter out all negative vibes in your child’s environment such as violence on TV, especially just before bedtime.

Dominic, N

God’s intervention

Remember there are some things that are beyond human control even if we use atomic bomb against them. Moving your daughter to your bedroom won’t bring any change. Pray and ask God to intervene. I am sure things will work soon.

Erick Aloo