His bad breath is ruining intimacy

I am dating this handsome and sweet guy. However, he has an awful smell and taste in his mouth that makes me uncomfortable when kissing him. He leaves a salty and stinking taste after we kiss and this puts me off to a point that we have not kissed for weeks. One time he asked me why I don’t kiss him anymore, I said carefully that he has bad teeth that need attention. I think this made him feel bad although he still insists on kissing me. His breath is terrible, it makes me want to die after kissing him but I love him dearly. I am confused because I don’t know what to do about this. How do you tell somebody that he stinks in the mouth without hurting his feelings? Please advice. Wangu

Your Take:

Wangu, they say there is no good way of breaking up. Whichever way you choose, you will always end up hurting the other person. Sit down with him and explain your concerns especially when it comes to kissing. Tell him to get medical help or better hygiene otherwise you are going to leave him. Courage is all you need to face the problem.

{Jessica Gesare}

Bad breath can be caused by many things like the food and drinks we take. Smoking and drinking makes the condition worse. If he suffers from chest pains or sore throat especially after eating, this could be caused by a condition called acid reflux morphology. He may also need a saliva solvent solution if he complains of being dry in the mouth and tongue. It cleans teeth well and keeps the mouth fresh. It is available in chemists. He should drink lots of water, use mouthwash and brush teeth regularly.

{Precious Muchungi}

The secret to bad breath is flossing daily or at least once per week if it is possible. If he is a chain smoker and combines this with not flossing, it could be the problem. Food smells really bad when it is caught between teeth.

{Vero Mwatesya}

I think he does not care about how you feel since he will not do anything about it. You need to help him and one way is to refuse to have sex with him. That is when he will listen to you. Tell him over coffee how this affects you and that it limits the way you show your affection for him. I would tell him openly to avoid future embarrassment. Couples are there to help and respect each other.

{Brenda Isinya}

You do not have to tell him directly that he stinks. I advice you to buy him LDC — a GNLD product that works wonders on the whole mouth. Convince him to use it for brushing and you will be thrilled with the results.

{Esta}

Your love for him should help you approach him to address the problem. Maybe it will not hurt when you tell him about his breath. We marry the people we love but come to love those that we marry. It will be harder for you to approach him after marriage if you do not learn to approach him now. It is for the benefit of you all. Get courage and tell him as a concerned friend.

{Francis Makuba}

My take:

We come across many such situations: Stinking breath, smelly feet, smelly socks, body odour and many other personal un-pleasantries. It usually involves someone who is really close to us and one we cannot avoid regular contact with such as colleagues, spouse, friends and the like. You get fed up, blood pressure rises, you psyche yourself but in most cases we do not execute the difficult task of facing someone we care about to tell them. The greatest hindrance to spilling the beans is the fear of hurting their feelings. When it gets too much we try guerrilla tactics where we get some quick fix solutions.

Quick fix solutions

We had a skunk in the office. I am glad I lived long enough to tell this tale. You could smell him in his office on Monday while he was last seen there on Friday. Everybody knew about this but we all talked about it in low tones. None of us (even his dear-beer buddies) dared raise their voices to address this pressing issue. Our gorgeous "out of reach" secretary came up with a brilliant idea. She bought him some really expensive cologne. Skunkie took the cologne and used it all right but every coin has three sides. He thought heavens finally smiled upon him. To cut the story short, gorgeous had to seek assistance from management to get him off her back and when the bottle run dry, status quo was restored. The moral of the story is that quick fix solutions are not solutions. You need to get to the bottom of the problem.

Afraid to hurt their feelings

This is where we go wrong thinking that someone will be hurt or will take offence. It works the other way — if a friend told me that I stink, I would buy them a beer and find out what it is I do wrong. Nobody likes to stink; nobody likes to fall short of societal expectations and this is where friends — true friends — come in. Friends should be there to watch your back not to talk behind your back. The plain truth is that people get more offended when they realise you have been keeping stuff from them all this time.

If it is the bad breath issue should Wangu just hang on and hope that someone else will come and let the cat out of the bag? If your husband had smelly feet would you rather keep quiet and live with the daily smell than hurt his feelings? The situation always comes back to you. It is more embarrassing to visit another family and watch children take off in laughter with hands on their noses than just to face him and tell.

How to fix such problems

1. Schedule a meeting

This is with the person involved (even if he is your husband) plan a specific meeting to discuss something important. If you pass this off casually or while having a beer, it will not have full impact. They may think it is one of your many stale jokes.

2. Do not mince words

Give it to them straight! Be firm and do not seek to justify why you are doing this, just say you thought it would be in their best interest. This does not mean insult them, but make sure they understand the extent of the problem.

3. Offer to help them through:

First, just let them know you are available to help but let the request come from them. Discuss issues discretely and propose workable solutions. For a condition like bad breath if changing the toothbrush does not work, try flossing. If this does not work, seek a specialist’s opinion.

{Taurus}

In the next issue:

I left my parents house and moved in with my boyfriend in Nairobi about six months ago. Everything is working out well and his family is fabulous. I get along with everybody. We are in love and I know that he cares about me. The only problem is that he has never discussed marriage. He always manages to evade the topic. He has given me an engagement ring and his sisters and mother thought he had proposed — they got angry when I told them that he had not. I do not mind a cheap wedding even one at the District Commissioner’s office or City Hall. What should I do if he just won’t tell me what his plans are about marriage? {Irene}

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