Should I do a paternity test?

I have been married for seven years and have three children a boy and two girls aged seven, five and three respectively. We were living as a happy family until recently when one of those 'know-it-all'woman in our estate shared with me some disturbing news.

During a casual discussion she kept talking about how cunning and unfaithful women have become and how many men are raising children fathered by other men. When we were parting, she hinted that I should confirm the paternity of my son and the younger daughter. This bothered me for some time until I got a chance when my daughter fell ill and I asked for a DNA test. The results confirmed that I was not the biological father. This has put me under intense stress to the point that I fear doing the test for my son who I love very much. I think there is some possibility that he is also not my child. I feel betrayed and confused. Should I go ahead and take a paternity test for the remaining children? {TNK}

Your take:

There are faithful women out there. It is wise that you find out the truth rather than live in denial and suspicion. Go ahead and confirm your doubts.

Take heart because many men marry a woman with up to three or four children, the only difference is that for you she was not honest with you and tell you the truth from the start.

Whatever decision you make, do not hurt the children because they are innocent.

{Ogara George}

It is quite clear that you are bitter and no longer trust your wife. However, you need to talk over this matter with her so that you can move on smoothly with your marriage.

It’s only through this that you might understand why she had to do that.

A professional counsellor may also help you come to terms with the reality instead of living with anger and stress.

{Andera Ngota}

But what I get from your story is that you have realised that the first mistake you did was to listen to that woman who brainwashed you to the extend of carrying out the DNA test.

I strongly believe that if you’d never listened to that nosy woman, you would still be happily married. But I am sure the woman who told you this had a hand in everything!

{Ignatius Odhiambo}

It is painful, but the truth is that a good number of women are cunning. If you love your family, settle things out and just assume that you the father of your children and move on.

{Luke F Omondi}

If you love your wife, then let your love prevail over this matter and move on. You could still have married her with the two children, without bothering to know their father like the case of adopting. The woman may be having hidden motives. Live your life if you love the children and their mother.

{Tasma Charles}

She has probably been cheating on you since you met. However, let me point out that not all women are cunning. Just take it that you were unlucky to marry this kind of woman. Seek counselling to avoid venting your anger on her and the innocent children. I can assure you that moving on won’t be easy, but you need to make a bold step because you cannot risk living with such a dishonest woman.

{Ngure Komu}

This means when you married her she was still seeing her former boyfriend who impregnated her the same year you married her and went ahead to get your last born daughter out of wedlock.

Go ahead and have a DNA test for the other two children just to be sure, then confront her and file for a divorce because a stable marriage is build on trust which is lacking on one side of your marriage.

{Kamau Beka}

Why did you have to listen to that ‘know-it-all’ woman knowing well she was up to no good? In this era of HIV/Aids you cannot afford to move from one marriage to the other.

{Aseri W Dickson}

My take:

Who knows the paternity of a child? The only person who really knows the actual paternity of a child is the mother.

As such, many men are bringing up children sired by other men without the slightest hint of what is going on.

Fortunately or unfortunately, you found out through someone who seems to know quite a lot about you and we can’t tell how many other women are in the loop with this ‘classified’ information.

Deal with the situation:

Well, the ‘know-it-all’ woman was right and chances are that she may also be right about the firstborn child but so what if she is?

This is a family you have invested not just seven years but every dime you are worth for so you need to critically think about it before you make any drastic moves.

However, before you make any decision, let your wife know about your discovery and your intentions to carry out the same test on the other children ‘just to be sure.’ This would be a smoke screen to assess her reaction to the whole issue.

I would be keen to see her reaction to this to see if there would be some degree of ingenuity. Without the ingenuity then just know that all this time she has been taking you for a fool and with that she deserves no mercy.

If it was only for the first child, it would be easy to let things lie below the carpet because –but this is your second child?

She actually cheated on you in the course of your marriage with the same guy.

It wouldn’t come as a surprise to me if both or all three children were sired by one man. My advice to you is let her go to those men she went to when she needed a quick and stolen spasm of pleasure.

You will live a healthier and better life without the pressure of seeing those children at the end of the day with images of her legs opened up to another man.

As a matter of fact, such thoughts could lead you to doing some crazy things to that family which could get you into a lot of trouble so it is better to walk away peacefully when you can.

Can’t a man forgive a cheating wife?

Well, technically yes but principally no. A man will always feel dump if he realised that another man has been enjoying his territory.

While he may admit by mouth that he has forgiven her, those images always come back to haunt you so forgetting becomes rather difficult. As you may already know, forgiveness is only effective if we forget.

{Taurus}