Cavemen who ‘tune’ women roughly

By Lydia Limbe

Sexual harassment has slowly but surely changed from the traditional overt forms, to covert ones. These unwelcome sexual advances no longer only come in form of male colleagues seeking sexual favours or making sexual advances verbally. Today, there exists a thin line between what some men consider traditional cues of seduction and sexual harassment.

This harassment includes anything sexual that makes work environment uncomfortable. From; male colleagues who gawk and whistle suggestively at ‘hot’ female colleagues as they pass by; women who dress provocatively; those blessed with ‘award-winning’ cleavages that are tempting enough to tear or strain a muscle in a man salivary gland leaving them exposed; unashamedly staring at a woman breasts; men who insist on being hugged or ambush women with unwelcome hugs and pecking their cheeks; male colleagues who dangerously reduce the social distance by leaning very close to female colleagues when talking to them to those who cheekily prolong handshakes and twirl them (hands) suggestively while at it.

Both men and women are victims, but men are the major culprits. In their attempt to ‘tune’ women at workplaces, some of the approaches men use backfire and can only be described as sexual harassment.

At her new workplace, Lillian Mumbi had a male colleague who was so polite and kind that one would easily confuse him for a monk who had just taken a day off from a monastery. For a while, Lillian thought the colleague in question, unlike most men she knew, had proper manners.

One day, she had gone to his desk to confer on a certain work-related matter. While she sat on his desk explaining the matter, the ‘gentleman’ suddenly grabbed her hand and directed it to a place this family paper will not mention — leaving her shocked and terrified.

“I was shocked! It took me several minutes to understand why he grabbed my hand and what I was supposed to feel. By the time I realised what had happened, the other male colleagues around had noticed this (it’s an open plan office) and they all had this sheepish grin across their faces. Pissed off, I walked away,” says Mumbi.

However, this incident seemed to do nothing to this man, but to urge him on.

Touching himself suggestively

“For days on end, the ‘gentleman’ would come and stand by my desk before touching himself suggestively. He always made sure I see his ‘disorganised’ loin area. One day, we happened to be on the lift together.

“When everybody had gotten off and we remained the two of us, he grabbed me, rubbed himself against me, making funny grunting noises. I pushed him away with all my might,” recalls Mumbi.

The nature of sexual harassment in some instances, gets even more bizarre.

Scolla Atieno was once sandwiched between two men on a queue at a bank. She unsuccessfully tried to ensure some space remains between her and the two men. The man behind her was ‘heavy-structured’ and kept on rubbing his weapon of mass procreation on her posterior, no matter how hard she tried to squinch and make herself occupy less space.

“Every time I moved to create some distance between us, he closed the gap. To make matters worse, he grabbed me from the back and immediately said sorry. I was startled and gave out a cry of surprise at this sudden move,” Atieno narrates.

“Of course, people looked in our direction. In fact, the security guards thought maybe the guy was trying to pick pocket me, and came to my rescue. Sweat was dripping from his face as he admonished me for what he called “child-like behaviour”,” a disgusted Atieno adds.

Miriam Wangui is fresh from campus and considers herself in every way a modern woman. She dresses in the trendiest clothes that surely make her male colleagues notice her.

“Every morning when I go to work, some of them insist on a hug as a greeting. Usually these hugs are naughty because I get squeezed, making me feel uncomfortable at the forced intimacy in the full glare of the others. I’ve said no to them but they insist on having these hugs by force, some even taking me by surprise,” adds Wangui.

Her complaints to other colleagues land on deaf ears. To them, they are of the opinion that Miriam invites this unnecessary attention and annoyance to herself by her way of dressing.

Women go through hell in most workplaces but they chose to ignore.

Irene has gotten to a point where she has to literally dodge one of her bosses because of the sexual advances he used to make. She says the boss had relatively poor social and communication skills, and he thought by making sexual advances, would hint about his interest in her.

She says on one occasion at a water dispenser, the boss playfully grabbed a huge chunk of her posterior before releasing it and saying “good stuff! You’ve got a great future behind you,” amid a giggle, of course, at her chagrin.

Groped my bottom

“This particular guy came to the water dispenser and stood behind me. And when nobody was watching, he groped my bottom and made a silly remark.

Sometimes he would come to my desk, and I would greet him out of politeness, and he would respond by saying something to the effect that he was not fine until the day I would agree to have a ‘gland to gland’ combat with him,” Irene tells with Crazy Monday.

When she shared what was going on with her female colleagues, she learnt that that was the boss’ habit. One of her colleagues even shocked her with scandalous details of her past ordeal in the hands of the rogue boss.

Irene introduced this writer to her colleague, Betty. Betty says when she was new at the said work station, she was eager to learn everything about the job. Unfortunately, her eagerness to learn invited upon her harassment.

“He used this as his bait. He would ask me to stay behind after work so we could go over some things. At first it didn’t occur to me that he had ulterior motives. Besides, I wanted to give my best to this job,” says Betty.

“Then one evening as both of us were getting into his office, he attempted to grope me. Unfortunately, being very sensitive, I instinctively swang my hand dangerously hitting him in the wrong place. I was so embarrassed seeing him writhe in pain.

“But then, there was nothing I could do, I just walked out and went home terrified and worried that I would lose my job. Luckily for me, I never lost the job, but since then, he has never attempted making unwelcome advances,” concludes Betty, as she suppresses a chuckle.

Leaving no intern unturned

Alice Yego, on the other hand, went for internship at an organisation where one of her supervisors had gained notoriety of ‘leaving no intern unturned’. He tried his luck with her and found her a hard nut to crush. When the going got tough, she got traumatised and had no option but to abandon the internship midway.

“We’d gone for an assignment. In the company car was a male driver, two male colleagues — of whom the supervisor was one, and I. I sat at the back with the supervisor, who kept touching me all over.

“Thoroughly embarrassed with his uncouthness, I tried to stop him silently,” says Yego, shaking her head at the disturbing memory.

“The more I tried to stop him politely, the more aggressive he got. I was so angered by his behaviour that I started to jab him on the thigh furiously with my small nibbed ballpoint pen. There was blood everywhere. Those we were with in the car instead of stopping him (they could see me struggle to get his hands off me), found the whole scenario hillarious that they laughed their heads off. I quit my internship that day,” adds Yego.

Surprisingly, this is not just a problem women grapple with. Men, too, are victims.

A designer who identifies himself only as Kevo, a gym rat to boot, spoke out. He says his gym regime has not only brought him joy of having an attractive and well-chiseled body, but also agony courtesy of ‘groupie love’ from women.

“I have naughty female colleagues who like to playfully poke my built muscles, especially my biceps. This, I suspect, is also sexual harassment but I can’t complain. However much I, at times, find it annoying, I sort of enjoy it, anyway.

“I mean, if a naughty colleague finds my bum nice enough and playfully spanks it, should I run all over like a small boy as if she has robbed me of manliness?” he wonders, with a sheepish grin on his face.

He says there is a thin line between seduction and sexual harassment. He opines that some women, just like him, enjoy these subtle sexual advances because they not only boost a woman’s self esteem, but also make them feel wanted.

Criminal offense

“Some women enjoy these playful and naughty physical conducts of sexual nature, it’s just that they can’t confess because of their socialisation.

“I mean, men get confused at times considering women send mixed signals at times. They say, “stop” when they actually flash you a smile that suggests “go-a head”,” he chuckles.

Eric Kivuva, an advocate, however, says sexual harassment in the workplace is a criminal offense that must be reported to the relevant department and where no action is taken a report can be made to the police.

“According to the sexual offence Act, any person found guilty of the offence of sexual harassment shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of not less than three years.

“Or to a fine of not less than one hundred thousand shillings or to both,” says Kivuva.