Cabin crew uniforms have taken a nosedive

If every day was a fashion show, then the airplane’s aisle would be where fashion goes to die.

For this is a runway project where dowdiness seems to be celebrated and the right to be down-at-heel is clearly abused.

It is not just because the niggling passenger — audience lining the sides of the “catwalk” in the coach section do not deserve a show-stopping display.

It is also because high fashion for flight attendants has gone the way of free peanuts!

These are not the days of Leonardo da Vinci who was spellbound by the inventiveness of flight in his time and declared that, “Once you’ve tasted a flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, there you will always long to return.”

Gone is the golden era of aviation, when the most significant runway was 35,000 feet above sea level and moving at speeds of up to 900 kilometres per hour.

Those were the days of pill hats, go-go boots and designer scarves brought to life through the efforts of haute couture fashion brands.

Today, air travel can be a dreary slog. May be it is because flying has become bus-like, unlike the glory days of the privileged few when it was more limo-like.

It is no longer about choosing which shoes to wear for your flight, as it is about the practical footwear and outfit that you can effortlessly slip off to comply with ‘frisky’ security and immigration officers. So, it would help if flight attendants at least bring a little cheer in the stale-aired cabin with some voguish attire and genuine smiles. People no longer dress up to travel and the airlines seem to be taking cue from their passengers.

Well, those who can pay over Sh300,000 for a seat in the nose of the plane for a round trip to London from Nairobi may get their money’s worth in service delivery and superfluous add-ons packaged as a luxurious deal, but they will still have to brook the same fashion show.

Thankfully, in-flight fashion has not suffered in all airlines, though the contrast between the trend du jour and passé of airline fashion is as varied as taking off and landing an airplane.

Kenya Airways (KQ),  like most national carriers, integrated a distinguishing leopard-print cultural identity marker in its blouse uniform, which is worn under a rather conservative blazer.

However, most of us have no recollection of any other KQ uniform, and if this is what they will be parading in the next couple of years, then looking at the attendants in KQ flights would be like watching the History Channel!

This is the irony of fashion. It is temporal and fleeting. Flight attendants’ uniforms are fashion statements, which mean they have to be in a state of continuous flux, because stagnation leads to mustiness.

Smart airlines like KLM have however stuck with rather classic, ageless looks.

As such, if you require a man to don a red coat, at least make some trendy effort that will not have him looking like a valet at a hotel lobby or a drummer with the Kenya Defence Forces’ band. KQ may have missed a perfect opportunity to re-brand the human detail of its cabin look with the arrival of its Dreamliners or with Naikuni’s exit.

That is what Etihad Airways did when they turned the unveiling of their new Airbus A380 and Boeing 787-9 aircrafts into a red letter day of haute couture and glamour.

Their new uniform, by Italian haute couturier Ettore Bilotta, is being celebrated as a Hail Mary to underpin the airline’s brand as the standard bearer of superlative customer service.

But in a turbulent industry where the story of airlines’ profitability is like that of a puppy trying to catch a butterfly, not all can afford chic crew uniforms, like Virgin Atlantic’s sharp Savile Row inspired three-piece suits by Vivienne Westwood.

Air France crew have given meaning to Coco Chanel’s assertion that simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance in their sassy sapphire dresses accessorised by a broad scarlet bow-tie scarf belt.

The Koreans have meanwhile creatively channeled their version of “primitive savannah energy” for a stylish uniform by Italian designer Gianfranco Kerre, while Virgin Atlantic did not spare a nickel or dime when spending on their “utility chic” look by Banana Republic.

Flight attendants are run rugged by a punishing schedule and also have to check-in emotional baggage at immigration. For the harassed and oft-underpaid crew, a snazzy look would be a welcome inspiration.

One that can help them endure bothersome passengers that they would rather bleach out like laundry stains.