Dark side of 'wife material' expectations

A stressed woman sitting on the floor. (Courtesy/iStockphoto)

Kenyans feed on gossip about the relationships and extramarital entanglements of other people like it is nectar. And if the drama involves celebs, they suck on that nectar with the kind of fury a newly released convict unleashes on the first whore they bump into.

There is a spiritual warfare going on right here against marriage. We are shocked when marriage works and stupidly excited when it fails. And you know what? Marriage is 90 percent wife material, or so they say.

But what is this wife material, according to the African gospel? Here, wife material is about strength, which is measured by how much nonsense a woman can tolerate. The more pain and stupid things she puts up with, the stronger she is.

Like raising kids alone as hubby roams around, ejaculating all over the place like a randy goat. Basically, a strong woman never questions or “nags” her man, in whatever circumstances.

As a rule, wife material does not demand a sweet marriage. She understands that matrimony is not a bed of roses, and accepts the biblical refrain that a foolish woman pulls down her house by her own hands, the clever one builds hers and stays.

She stays for the kids and prove to society and in-laws that actually marriage works.

The saddest part of all this, is, as a woman, one needs to steadfastly pray and fast for her partner. Go to the mountains and cry to the Lord to change his philandering behaviour. Why?

She is the woman and a married woman must be strong. Remember, it’s never a bed of roses. Wife material is always there for her husband. Composed and firm, should never show signs of weakness.

Yaani son of Nahum knowingly carries his three legs out there to his usual sexploitations then when sh!t happens, his wife is brought into the picture! For what? Moral support! Wives never quit, however toxic and ugly the situation turns. With all the humiliation they might go through, they should never leave. Aende wapi?

And if a child is born when the devil cheats on him not to use latex out there, the good wife will ‘accept’ the innocent baby and support her husband in supporting his baby mama to raise their bundle of joy. Sigh!

They even are the ones who apparently send upkeep money to their husband’s mistresses. During Chama meet-ups, they share stories about their marriages, and here is where some realise that what they might have gone through or going through is just a drop in the ocean.

One would even say how these men go through a lot and it’s unfair to judge them because of one sexscapade that ended badly.

And now that the law of nature disqualifies women from cheating, they should never even think of revenge. Because wife material is about keeping your legs shut while the bastard you married waters his harem.

Wife material means you can scoop an Oscar award for putting on an ‘hey, I’m doing so damn well’ act daily before society and family. With your love right there kissing you on the forehead and calling you his queen, the strongest woman on Earth.

When deep inside you’re slowly giving in to stomach ulcers and depression. The previous night, you cried oceans and rivers because the son of your mother-in-law didn’t come home and you have no idea where he spent the effing night.

It is always for better but mostly worse. So you pray, stay still, endure dry spells and suffer numerous walks of shame to the STI clinic – always strong.

It is a scam, this wife material. While you are smooching up to a nasty mother-in-law, bribing her with vitenge, enduring dry spells and cowering from the stares of those who know your man as a serial cheat, non-wife material is having the time of their lives, hopping from lodging to lodging with your husband, eating and drinking his money, and lapping up Viagra laced sex.

Is it really worth the pain, troubles, and heartbreaks?