Tell us more, Prezzo UK, tell us there's a lot more where that came from...

Former President Uhuru Kenyatta addresses the Kiambu Delegates Forum, May 25, 2026.[Kanyiri Wahito, Standard]

Sometime last week, retired (but not tired, he clarified) Prezzo Uhuru Kenyatta, aka UK added a moniker of his own to his growing list. He declared he was Sponyo, a colloquialism for “sponsor.” In Kenya’s unique political lingo, it means more than a patron; it means a factotum.

Prezzo Bill Ruto had spent the previous few weeks goading Prezzo UK to respond to the claims that he was sponsoring the opposition, one would think plying politics is same as selling bangi. This was an escalation of a charade that had been staged on the lawns of the State House, Nairobi, where Prezzo Ruto hosted scribes from one media house to promote a narrative about his dedicated efforts to rehabilitate Prezzo UK from political wilderness perhaps to steer him towards diplomacy and statesmanship.

His efforts had come a cropper, he said, as his predecessor chose to lead the opposition. He went even further, Prezzo Ruto pursued; Prezzo UK reportedly predicted that the hustler government would collapse within six months.

Well, Kenya has no shortage of diplomats, in fact, the only criteria for appointment, it appears, is proximity to power. And if all Prezzo UK wanted in retirement was to herd his goats in Narok, while enjoying a calabash of uji, who are we to deny him?

So, last week, Prezzo UK gave a mono-syllablic response: He was indeed, “Sponyo,” he said, before laughing his head off, seemingly at the silliness of the idea. It’s not clear what Kenyans enjoyed the most, the trashing of the idea of “Sponyo” or the chortles of mirth that defined his tenure.

This week, Prezzo UK shifted gears. He was no longer afraid to speak, as he had been in the previous week, when he said he was sticking to his written script to avert any chances of landing in trouble for what he said, or didn’t say.

Instead, he said what he knew and believed: that the departed politician Raila Odinga was denied victory because his coalition won the 2022 contest. Reason? Raila’s coalition had secured more votes in Parliament and the counties. Building on the logic that people vote “six-piece,” meaning picking candidates of the same party for different categories, it was unlikely that they would have voted for Raila’s coalition in all the positions but the presidency. The rebel leader had instigated a mutiny that declared Prezzo Ruto illegitimate.

Wiperman Kalonzo Musyoka picked from where Prezzo UK left off and claimed that Raila hadn’t just been dispossessed of victory in 2022, but also in the preceding polls when Prezzo UK claimed victory in 2013 and 2017. In all fairness, the latter was overturned by the courts and Raila boycotted the subsequent rerun.

We know what happened, Prezzo UK went on, but he did not elaborate because, as the departed politician Martin Shikuku once said, there’s no need to substantiate the obvious.

From Prezzo UK’s explanation, one assumes the legal principle of “balance of probabilities” in the courts utilise common abracadabra like tapping those scales using a finger, as do butchers, to determine an outcome of a matter. After all, merely 200,000 votes separated Raila and Prezzo Ruto. It could have gone either way.

Prezzo UK says he knows what happened so there is no need to speculate. He is bound to elaborate someday, and he has specifically said he is going to speak up without fear.

For now, Prezzo UK has issued: a) declaration of war to lock out his successor from getting a second term, b) by so doing, he has scuttled ongoing tiffs between and among the different factions claiming a stake in central Kenya regions, c) he is intent on playing a significant role in next year’s General Election and d) dared his successor to a replay of their duel. Bring it on!