Will this baby bring us together or push him away?

Will this baby bring us together or push him away? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I recently discovered that I’m pregnant and my boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to know! I don’t want to be a single mother, so how can I get him to up his game?

Uninvolved

Chris says, 

Hi Uninvolved!

Your boyfriend should be thoroughly involved in your pregnancy, of course, and actively supporting you instead of putting his head in the sand! 

And if you’ve been together for more than a year or so, then it’s most likely that he will eventually get his mind around everything and all will turn out well.

Right now, though, he’s confused, a bit shocked, and sort of pretending it’s all just not happening! So he needs lots of encouragement to get past this state of denial, and to start thinking positively about your future together. So talk to him happily about the baby and how pleased you are that he’s the father.

Don’t nag him into doing things he’s likely to be uncomfortable with, like going to doctor’s appointments, but otherwise start involving him in making small plans for your life together after the birth. Don’t rush him into anything, but at the same time, talk to him about how you’d like to get married, until eventually he’ll get his head around it all and pluck up the courage to ask you.

However, if you and your boyfriend only been together for a short while, then there’s a big risk that he’ll ultimately let you down. So, although there are lots you can do to encourage him to man up and become a good father, you would also be wise to prepare for the possibility that you’ll be having the baby on your own.

Consult a good lawyer about how to get some financial support from him if he leaves you, and talk through your worries with your family so that they’re better prepared to help you when the time comes.

I do hope that things will turn out well for you, and you can start to enjoy the prospect of a new baby, instead of having so many worries. 

All the best,

Chris