Help! How do I get my husband to talk to me again?

Help! How do I get my husband to talk to me again? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

My husband was never much of a talker, though we chatted a lot while we were dating! But gradually, he’s become really quiet. Why’s that? And how do I get him going again?

Need to Talk

Chris says,

Hi Need to Talk!

You’re right, couples should talk. But men often keep quiet because they were brought up to keep their thoughts to themselves.

You’re probably also partly to blame because women admire the strong, silent type!

There are many reasons why husbands gradually go quiet.

Most often, it’s about how you respond when he talks to you. Do you criticise him or his ideas? Eventually, he’ll go silent.

Instead, build the sort of relationship where your husband can talk to you about anything. Listen so you understand what he’s saying because unless he feels heard, he’ll soon stop sharing his ideas or listening to yours. And never give him a hard time, or you’ll be the last to know when something’s going wrong in his life.

Like if he’s worried that he’s not making enough money or has chosen the right career. So, whatever he earns, let him know you’re proud of him. Ask about his dreams, and let him know you’ll do your best to help him get there.

He’ll probably resist talking about his health and will put off visiting the doctor even if he’s worried. So, if you’ve noticed anything, say so, and go to the doctor together.

He’ll inevitably worry about whether he’s meeting your expectations in bed, even if things are great! And if you do have any problems, he’ll think they’re his fault, even if they’re not. So, if you’re satisfied, say so! If you’re not, focus the conversation on what you want rather than what you don’t.

If there’s something uncomfortable you need to discuss, don't ambush him! Bring it up calmly and ask when would be a good time to talk so he can think things over first.

And anytime he does talk, smile and compliment him and you’ll soon be chattering away again like newlyweds.

All the best,

Chris