Lust over love: How hookup culture is replacing lasting bonds

A couple getting cosy. (Courtesy)

There was once a time when love was a journey, not just a destination. Back then, marriage signified commitment, and women proudly took on their husbands’ names, changing their IDs and transforming their identities to signal a new beginning. Divorce was nearly unthinkable; prenuptial agreements? Scandalous. A Nigerian mother might exclaim, “Tufyakwa!” at the mere thought of it.

Today, we find ourselves in a different landscape altogether. Welcome to the era of “hookup culture” and “situationships.”

This is a generation where even making it to marriage is something of a miracle. We move through relationships at an unprecedented speed, measuring commitment not by devotion but by whether we can still flaunt our “#CoupleGoals” on social media. Long gone are the days of enduring rough patches; now, if things take a turn for the worse, people don’t just break up, they break down. In extreme cases, they lash out, often with deadly consequences. When a relationship goes sour, it can lead to murder, suicide, or both.

Where did we go wrong? How did we go from romance to recklessness, from commitment to chaos? Perhaps it is because we have begun valuing relationships as disposable. It is easy to start a new one, after all—just swipe right. This easy access, however, has left many of us unprepared for the sacrifices, compromises, and disappointments that a real relationship requires. We crave the thrill but are unready for the patience. A single “for worse” moment can shatter us, and in our impulsive attempts to hold onto control, some choose violence as the final say.

At the root of this crisis lies a hunger for excitement rather than connection. Love is confused with a thrill, and when the thrill fades, resentment rises. Modern relationships, far from being built on understanding and endurance, are often bound by fleeting passions and restless desires. People think they are looking for love, but what they truly seek is a temporary high—a dopamine hit, a moment of validation, a quick rush of excitement. When that high dies down, and the reality of love’s less glamorous side appears, frustration kicks in, followed by anger, betrayal, and in some tragic cases, violence.

Moreover, our society has embraced a culture of “options.” Social media has amplified our sense of choice, with endless streams of faces, names, and profiles promising something “better.” Rather than working to bring out the best in one person, many now jump at the first sign of imperfection. People expect their partners to arrive as fully packaged “perfect” beings, flawless and ready-made, and any deviation from that ideal is grounds for resentment, or worse, rejection.

Patience and effort, the bedrock of lasting relationships, have become undervalued. We no longer invest the time it takes to build a real connection, preferring instead to rush into relationships on a whim and exit just as swiftly.

Modern relationships are strained by the weight of unrealistic expectations, and the emotional fragility that emerges from these fleeting partnerships is evident. The willingness to work through difficulties and compromise has been replaced with impulsive reactions to minor slights. For some, it only takes a broken promise, a perceived disrespect, or a minor betrayal to unleash a fury that erupts violently. Intimate partner violence and femicide are tragic and growing trends, stemming not just from individual failings but from a collective misunderstanding of what it means to love.

The shift from commitment to “convenience” has left a generation drifting between idealised romance and cold reality. Social media has sold us a version of relationships that sparkle without friction, but the truth is that love is as much about enduring the hard times as it is about celebrating the good ones. It is about acceptance, not perfection, and seeing the humanity in our partners instead of an opportunity to showcase something flawless.